Why does our society believe it is alright to throw away so much? In fact, what does it even mean to 'throw' something away? Julia Butterfly Hill reflects here on these questions to help each of us understand why it is important for us to change our approach to consumption as individuals and as a society. Julia is a Full Spectrum Leader.
by Alan F. Zundel
Many people are aware of meditation, but few actually practice it. Yet those of us who do meditate are not that different from those who do not—we all experience resistance.
Some people have heard of meditation but are not interested in it. Their goals and priorities are different; they are not as interested in looking inward as they are in outward achievement. They may think of meditation as something weird that normal people do not engage in, or that it is a waste of time when they could be doing something useful.
Other people express an interest in meditation but never seem to get around to practicing it. They say they cannot find time for it, but likely they could give up time from other activities such as watching television if they really wanted to. Something other than lack of time seems to be the real reason, perhaps a belief that meditation is going to take effort or be boring.
In both sets of people there is a resistance to meditation; there is a resistance called ‘I don’t want to be weird’ and there is a resistance called ‘I don’t have time for it.’ But resistance is also present in people who do meditate.
When you meditate you find your mind resisting becoming quiet and still; it wants to go running off in different directions, and it take a little time and effort—sometimes a lot of time and effort—to get the mind to settle down. There is resistance to silence, resistance to stillness—resistance to whatever it is that meditation is meant to bring into your life, even when you express a desire for those things. So what is this resistance all about? What is it in us that wants to avoid spending time in stillness?
Some of it is inertia. We are so used to operating on a more superficial level of the mind, of thought, of emotion, that it is hard to break out of that. It takes effort, and we resist making effort. We sense that being left alone with one’s mind, as when someone is shut in solitary confinement, is not fun. There is something about the way our mind functions that is tiresome and annoying and irritating and even painful; that is why we want to be entertained, because we don’t want to experience the pain of listening to our own mind run on and on. If it takes effort to deal with that, well, it is a lot easier to distract ourselves from it.
When the mind finally begins to settle and we experience a degree of inner stillness, then we sense that between this initial experience and a much deeper sense of silence and stillness there is something else we must pass through in order to get there: the pain of unresolved emotions. When you begin to open yourself up, emotions that in your past were too intense and painful to fully accept have to be relived to fully integrate them into your consciousness and go beyond them. Feelings come up from your childhood—humiliations, fears, traumas—and your mind will start kicking at the bit so you do not have to go through that, creating all kinds of fantasies and interesting distractions.
Beyond that, we vaguely sense that the inner stillness brings change, and we are afraid of change that the mind cannot control. Even when we say we want change in our life, what we really want is to be able to control the change and direct it toward an outcome we can predict. Opening yourself up to the stillness represents letting go to something deeper that may change you in ways you cannot control. There is resistance to this something ‘other’ in ourselves.
We may tell ourselves and truly believe that this ‘other’ is the divine, yet still there can be resistance; it is hard to give up control even to God—maybe especially to God! But then there is the fear that maybe the something inside is not transcendent love and goodness; maybe it is dark unconscious psychological forces or even demonic spirits. There can be a fear that you will totally lose control and ‘go crazy’ by giving in to the stillness. We may think we know who we are, but there is the feeling that some hidden and powerful part of ourselves can take over and maybe even obliterate the familiar self.
So resistance has many levels, and many manifestations and rationalizations, but at the bottom it is a sense of fear—fear of letting go, fear of facing emotional pain, and fear of change, all of which are related. Letting go allows the pain to arise, yet precipitates the process that changes you into the person whom you have yearned to become. And that is what we fear most of all—being fully ourselves, without all of the masks and defenses. Naming the resistance for what it is allows you to see the choice that is open before you.
Alan F. Zundel is a counselor, author, and teacher currently living in Eugene, Oregon. His talks are available to download for free at HeartAwake Center at www.heartawake.org.
By Peter Comrie
“Young man, may I sit here”. Looking up from my book to see where the request was being directed, I saw that the only empty seat available was at my table. There stood a delightful looking lady holding a latte cup about the size of a kitchen sink with an almost pleading look in her eyes. “May I sit here” she repeated.
Now you know right away she had me, first with the “young man” comment (I’m 59), and then with the softest gentle blue eyes, resting behind a pair of the most elegant eyeglasses I have ever seen. Springing to my feet, the chair opposite was quickly opened from the table like a welcoming clam shell.
With her monster cup secure on the table, she thanked me, and I settled back into my reading. After a few minutes I observed she retrieved a manila folder from her bag and began flipping through the papers it contained. Glancing up I noticed she had developed a pronounced number 11 right above her nose, and I heard the distinctive sound of sighs of exasperation. Then came the sniffle.
Oblivious to my presence, she wiped her tear, gently blew her nose, and settled in to her seat with the weight of resignation. As she looked up in my direction I asked her quietly if she was OK, and after eyeing me for a few seconds, answered in the affirmative.
I introduced myself, and she followed with an emerging smile, and told me her name. She proceeded to tell me that her “moment” was in response to the legal documents in her folder. Continuing on, she told me that her late husband took care of all the legal issues during their life together, and now she had to learn how to manage them on her own.
This obviously intelligent and articulate lady went on to share with me that her mate of almost 50 years “protected” her from the vagaries of business and legal matters. Her countenance began to change as I could see she was becoming quite irritated, and then she dropped the bombshell. “I’m so mad at him right now that if he were here I’d likely kick his butt”. Now she really had my attention!
She continued, “He thought he was shielding me from the complexities of our life and business and now I discover that they are so darned simple I could have been doing a better job of them than he did”. This lovely person shared with me that she had now discovered that her affairs had a set of conditions that were going to impact her in ways that were totally unnecessary, and a complete waste of money. She had uncovered that if she had influenced her hubby with the disciplines she used to run her household, her “nest egg” would be substantially greater.
Sensing a touch of relief in her as she let her story out, I ventured to ask her why she had allowed this to happen. As she peered over the top of her glasses giving me “the look” she asked what I meant by her “allowing this to happen”. I shared with her that indeed she had contributed greatly to the situation in not taking her own responsibility to involve herself in all of their joint life. I also cautiously suggested that if they didn’t entirely communicate in the business and legal arenas that there may have been communication issues in other areas of their life.
“Oh Peter, we had a wonderful life, beautiful children, lot’s a travel, parties, lovely homes, and now today I feel like such a phony. I’m realizing that there were so very many things that we didn’t do, and the most important one being that we didn’t really communicate”. I asked her if I could make a suggestion, and she nodded in the affirmative.
“Forgive yourselves and move on”. She looked a little confused, I continued, “No matter how hard you plead, beg, pray, or cajole your higher power, you can’t change one single thing that happened yesterday”. She asked me “How can I forgive him when he is no longer here?”
As we settled more comfortably into the conversation I shared with her that forgiving herself and her husband is simply her taking personal responsibility for the parts they each played in the creating of their life. Also that forgiving isn’t for the “forgivee”, but for the “forgiver”. It’s the way to release ourselves from the self-imposed binds of the past, and to move forward with a new sense of lightness. I shared that “Forgiveness allows us to truly give up all hope for a better yesterday”.
She smiled in way that lit up the whole coffee shop as she said, “Well young man (she had my number), I didn’t expect this when I came in today. There is clearly some work I have to do, and you’re right, I do feel lighter just at the thought of it all”.
As I rose to leave, bidding her well on her journey, she eyed my wedding ring and asked, “How are your communications with your wife?” I stopped, looked her right in the eyes, grinned and said “Enthusiastic”.
Peter Comrie, is a co-founder of Full Spectrum Leadership, a Kelowna personal development training group that is driving a mission to develop 100 leaders per year for the next ten years. For more information visit: www.fullspectrumleadership.ca
By Martin Avis
Would you like to know why it is that I'm not as rich and successful as Donald Trump?
Or why it is that you are sitting there with less success and a lot less money in the bank than Warren Buffet?
One word will answer that conundrum: liar.
I'm a liar.
You're a liar. Pretty much everyone you know is a liar.
I'm not trying to pick a fight here - just pointing out that one of the most basic human traits - and the biggest obstacle to our own success - is our ability to pull the wool over our own eyes.
We tell ourselves all kinds of things to justify our actions (and more often inactions), but when we really get down to it, most of those things we tell ourselves are lies.
We make up excuses for our anticipated lack of success, and then set up a mental feedback loop where those excuses keep getting repeated in our minds over and over again.
The more like Donald Trump and Warren Buffet we become, the fewer excuses we make. Less excuses = more success.
Yet here we are, telling ourselves lies that if we bothered to take a moment to analyze would quickly be revealed as falsehoods. We tell ourselves the same old fictions over and over again until the sheer act of repetition makes them seem more and more real in our minds.
And before we know what has happened, our quick, un-thought through excuses become ingrained. They assume their own reality and success is once again pushed out of reach.
In this way we lie to ourselves all the time.
99% of all the lies we tell ourselves that affect our potential for success include one of the most common 4- letter words in the English language (okay, be pedantic, four letters and an apostrophe): can't.
Our subconscious mind doesn't like unfinished sentences, so when we say 'I can't' it has to tack on 'because' at the end.
So if you think, 'I can't be successful', your subconscious mind will add 'because I'm too lazy' or 'because I don't have the skills' or some other negative - and usually spurious - explanation. And then it is the false explanation that is stored, ready to poison your every effort.
'I can't write a book.' Why not? Because 'I'm not good with words', 'because nobody would read it' because I'll never find a publisher'. All silly statements that could easily be proved wrong after the book is written, but which serve to prevent you from taking action in case things go wrong, and of course, from ever reaching the success you really want.
When the 'because' is repeated internally often enough to be stored in the part of your brain that determines your own self-image, the 'I can't' is justified.
You just HAVE to make yourself a liar so that your knee-jerk 'I can't' reaction can become true.
It may be a paradox, but it is one that is holding you, me and everyone else back from achieving our success in all kinds of ways.
But you CAN break the cycle. You CAN start to change your subconscious self-image. You CAN stop your unconscious mind from making you a liar. You CAN be a success.
The only way that I know of to break the cycle is to remove the need for the brain to create its 'because' lie in the first place. Remove the 'not' part of the equation.
'I can' doesn't need a justification - it is a positive statement of fact.
'I can' doesn't make you a liar - it makes you a doer.
You have years of lies to address, so erasing them will take time, but it CAN be done.
Every opportunity you get, repeat to yourself 'I CAN do ... [whatever it is you want to do.]'
Think about all the successful people that you've heard about. Most of the time they didn't start out with any more natural ability than you. They don't have any particular success secret to making it big. They simply go into every new venture with the attitude that 'I CAN succeed.'
The strange thing is that more often than not, when you start out something new brimful of confidence that you CAN succeed at it, events seem to work out that you will be successful.
Success comes from being honest with yourself and finally admitting that you can do it.
Martin Avis publishes the acclaimed 3x-weekly email newsletter Kickstart Today - an eclectic mix of personal development, Internet marketing and unrestrained opinion. Subscription is free from http://www.kickstartdaily.com
Posted by Brian Kim
If you've ever read a story of someone who has made a significant positive change in their life or personally know somebody who has, you’ll probably find that behind that change was a triggering event, either a positive or negative one.
Perhaps the guy you knew had his heart broken by someone who he deeply loved. Perhaps that person read a life changing book. Perhaps that person had a close friend die of cancer. In any case, that triggering event was the starting point of significant change in that person’s life, one that shocked him out of apathy and I think we can all relate in one way or another to this kind of experience.
Take for example, a man who has been dating a woman and has fallen head over heels in love with her. He thinks about her all the time, all his chips are on the table and he is fully committed but one day, the woman he’s so deeply mad in love with tells him she does not feel the same way about him. His world buckles and comes crashing down. Food has no taste. His social life suffers. He closes the curtains in his house and drinks away his sorrow. He listens to their song over and over again and cries his heart out. We all know somebody in our social circle who has experienced this. It is one of the hardest things to deal with. Yet after months of this behavior, something happens within this man. He realizes that the problem was not anything outside of him, but himself the whole time so he resolves to become a better man than he was before. He takes responsibility for himself, develops discipline, self control, gets in shape, pursues his goals, in effect, gets his act together and becomes the man he knows he can fully become. Out of this pain of rejection comes forth the resolve to be a better man and the gift of the realization that he must work on himself first to become the best man he can be.
Take for another example, a man whose friend dies of cancer. His world is shaken. Things he regarded as important now seem so trivial. He realizes how short life is and he wonders if he will regret doing what he’s doing right now when he looks back on his life. That triggering event of a friend’s death can give him the courage to take a new path that he never would have considered doing before. This triggering event, what it basically does is throw a boulder into the pond that we all seem to take comfort in and sends huge rippling effects that forces us to ask ourselves the hard questions that we normally would like to avoid in our lives. It changes our perspective on things and we go on a journey of self introspection. We also get a sense of urgency and in effect, this triggering event gives us the necessary energy to get us to the next level much like it takes energy for an electron to go the next orbit level (high school flashback I know). We start doing things we never would of before because of this triggering event.
The question naturally arises. Do we need a triggering event in our lives, positive or negative to change our lives? Here’s my answer. To make significant change, yes. To change, no. Anybody can change. Buy some new clothes. Pick up a hobby. Exercise. But when it comes to significant change, and by that I mean changing yourself at the core level, who you are, what you want to do, who you wish to be, when you know your outlook on life has changed forever from that moment on, that kind of change, then yes, you do need a triggering event. Negative triggering events have a way of stripping us of everything we thought we knew about ourselves and life. Needless to say, more often than not, these negative triggering events come off the heels of something really bad – depression, attempted suicide, loss of a loved one, rejection, etc. It wipes the slate clean and gives us a fresh start and it’s up to us to decide what to build from it.
Positive triggering events have a way of expanding the narrow view we often have of life. We watch, read and hear of inspirational stories and see people maximize their capability and that in turns gives us the energy to take that leap of faith and go for whatever it is that we wish to do. In effect, we realize that we have all this room for potential to do the things we thought we couldn’t do because of these positive triggering events. Is one triggering event greater than the other? It’s hard to say. It really is. On the one hand, the negative triggering event is VERY dangerous because it’s in the eye of the beholder which path to take. The path of rebuilding or the path of continued self destruction. Few people choose to rebuild. Many people choose to self destruct. But this negative triggering event has the greatest potential for significant change because you basically start from scratch.
For me, the cause of my change was rooted in negative triggering events and the ironic thing is that I am grateful of it. If I had to do it all over again, I would live through the negative triggering events because they have made me the man I am today. Why did I write this article? I basically wrote this article to show people who might be experiencing a negative triggering event right now that even though they don’t realize it, it’s probably one of the best things that could’ve ever happened in your life.
I’m here to tell you that there IS light at the end of the tunnel and that you will one day be truly thankful for it. You really will. It will prove to be the fuel that will launch you to the life you’ve always dreamed of. You’ll often find that the best gifts life gives are the ones we don’t even realize we’ve received until we look back.
The Full Spectrum Leadership team actively supports the many amazing contributors who add value to the personal development industry. Peter Shepherd of Trans4Mind for many years has consistently endeavored to bring us all the very best thinking available today. We support Cultivate Life Magazine, and for the lowly cost of $20 per year we are sure you will appreciate having Peter, Guy, Brian and the team in your corner.
As we prepare to help our American friends celebrate Independence Day on July 4th we often reflect on the sacrifices made by the leaders that have preceded us. Take a few minutes today to enjoy the movie, “Great Quotes from Great Leaders,” which is filled with timeless wisdom from a variety of leaders who have inspired, encouraged and led us to do the right thing.
by Burge Smith-Lyons
Who you are makes a difference!
"A teacher in New York decided to honor each of her seniors in High School by telling them the difference each of them had made. She called each student to the front of the class, one at a time.
First, she told each of them how they had made a difference to her, and the class. Then she presented each of them with a blue ribbon, imprinted with gold letters, which read, "Who I Am Makes a Difference." Afterwards, the teacher decided to do a class project, to see what kind of impact recognition would have on a Community. She gave each of the students three more blue ribbons, and instructed them to go out and spread this acknowledgment ceremony.
Then they were to follow up on the results, see who honored whom, and report to the class in about a week. One of the boys in the class went to a junior executive in a nearby Company, and honored him for helping him with his career planning. He gave him a blue ribbon, and put it on his shirt. Then he gave him two extra ribbons and said, "We're doing a class project on recognition, and we'd like for you to go out, find somebody to honor, give them a blue ribbon, then give them the extra blue ribbon so they can acknowledge a third person, to keep this acknowledgment ceremony going. Then please report back to me and tell me what happened."
Later that day, the junior executive went in to see his boss, who had been noted, by the way, as being kind of a grouchy fellow. He sat his boss down, and he told him that he deeply admired him for being a creative genius. The boss seemed very surprised. The junior executive asked him if he would accept the gift of the blue ribbon, and would he give him permission to put it on him. His surprised boss said, "Well, sure." The junior executive took the blue ribbon and placed it right on his boss's jacket, above his heart. As he gave him the last extra ribbon, he said, "Would you take this extra ribbon, and pass it on by honoring somebody else. The young boy who first gave me the ribbons is doing a project in school, and we want to keep this recognition ceremony going and find out how it affects people."
That night, the boss came home to his 14-year-old son, and sat him down. He said, "The most incredible thing happened to me today. I was in my office, and one of the junior executives came in and told me he admired me, and gave me a blue ribbon for being a creative genius. Imagine! He thinks I am a creative genius! Then he put a blue ribbon that says, "Who I Am Makes a Difference", on my jacket above my heart. He gave me an extra ribbon and asked me to find somebody else to honor. As I was driving home tonight, I started thinking about whom I would honor with this ribbon, and I thought about you. I want to honor you. My days are hectic and when I come home, I do not pay a lot of attention to you. Sometimes I scream at you for not getting good enough grades in school, and for your bedroom being a mess. Somehow, tonight, I just wanted to sit here and, well, just let you know that you do make a difference to me. Besides your mother, you are the most important person in my life. You're a great kid, and I love you!"
The startled boy started to sob and sob, and he could not stop crying His whole body shook. He looked up at his father and said through his tears, "Dad, earlier tonight I sat in my room and wrote a letter to you and Mom, explaining why I had took my life, and I asked you to forgive me. I was going to commit suicide tonight after you were asleep. I just did not think that you cared at all. The letter is upstairs. I don't think I need it after all." His father walked upstairs and found a heartfelt letter full of anguish and pain.
The boss went back to work a changed man. He was no longer a grouch, but made sure to let all of his employees know that they made a difference. The junior executive helped several other young people with career planning, and never forgot to let them know that they made a difference in his life...one being the boss' son. In addition, the young boy and his classmates learned a valuable lesson, "Who you are DOES make a difference".
I just wanted to remind all of us that “we do make a difference” and “we matter”.
Just as Buckminster Fuller explained in the theory of “precession”, every body in motion effects other bodies in motion. If we are moving toward a goal, we are creating an effect. The effect we create depends on the intention we have while moving toward a goal. You have heard it is the “journey not the destination” before. Once you achieve a goal, you may ask yourself , “Now what”? Remember, the value you add along the way is really what matters, not the goal. Keep moving forward and adding value and the effects you have on the world will matter and add value.
Let’s all remember to "demonstrate, demonstrate, demonstrate" and "never give up, never give in".
You are important!!
Burge Smith-Lyons is president and CEO of Essence of Being Inc. For more than 29 years she has been involved with the healing, learning and educational environment. Burge has facilitated workshops for personal growth and corporate seminars since 1980. She has led private and public venues in self-development, relationships and abundance for adults and children. She specializes in helping people identify their "Bubble Talk" — subconscious negative self-talk that blocks them from achieving what they want in life.
