Making Decisions With Less Stress

A note from peter@thewealthyattitude.com for Thursday July 10 2008

Welcome to this fine Thursday.

Boy, did our reader yesterday certainly get attention. I’m grateful to all who shared back to me. I’ll be adding in many of your reflections in days to come.

Folks, I agree that “stress” is an issue in today’s world, but we certainly do have the directions and insights to rise way above the vagaries normally associated with it. It’s really us to us.

Perhaps today's offering will shed some more light on the issue.

Making Decisions With Less Stress

Stress is not necessarily a bad thing. It is a requisite part of growth, stimulation and any compromising situation. Too much of it, it however, can short circuit your system and drive you haywire. If you are constantly under stress, without giving your body time for respite, your body will certainly break down.

Decision making is one of the primary stressors in life. However, you can’t really live a life without decisions, can’t you? Every day you make choices, and these choices translate into stresses that cannot be avoided. They can only be mitigated or handled appropriately.

No matter how hard we try, turning decisions into riskless and stressless activities would be an exercise in futility. The best thing we can do is handle the decision making process in a way that that is as healthy as possible. Here are a few things to remember when you have to make a pretty tight decision.

Assess the Situation. Hard decisions entail extra stress primarily because we tend to worry too much about things we cannot control. And worse than that, we sometimes fail to understand what type of situation we are actually in.

To handle such situations properly, you should carefully and calmly assess the situation before making a choice. If this means that you have to step back, take a few breaths, and relax a bit before plunging back into the action, then do so. You will find that this technique works wonders for the stressed mind.

Unnecessary Worry. As mentioned earlier, we have a tendency to worry about things we cannot control. This is where acceptance and proper mindset come in. While thinking about something only shows that you care, it also releases a flood of emotions that could only cloud your decision making abilities.

The best thing you have on your side is a rational mind. This is negated if you give in to unnecessary worrying. So it is best if you calmly work on the decision, taking the consequences and risks as objectively as possible.

Be Aware of the Consequences. Every decision has its consequences and its risks. A primary reason for decision making stress is that we tend to be overly optimistic or pessimistic, expecting something to happen and then banking all our hopes on those thoughts.

It would be better if you instead make a table of risks and rewards for each decision, and accept the outcome of the risks as part of the dangers of the decision making process. Life is like a gambit, you can’t always win, but you can always learn from it.

Take Time Off. As said earlier, stress is a precursor to growth and change. But if you don’t get enough rest in between stressors, you risk your mental and physical health. That is why it is very important for individuals that need to make big decisions – especially those that do so on a regular basis like bosses and managers – to take regular breaks.

They should take time off to relax, indulge in healthy recreation, and allow their minds and bodies to recuperate from the stress.

Preparation. A lot of unwanted stress could be avoided if only people were a lot more prepared to make their decisions. A little research and study on the nature of the decision would go a long way towards making each decision as sure and as stress-free as possible.

Conclusion

While you can’t avoid it, you can at least live with it. Don’t let stress get the better of you. Aim to keep it under control by making smarter decisions and by handling it in the right way.

5 Strategies for Lasting Change

A note from peter@thewealthyattitude.com for Thursday April 30 2008

Give a “high five” to this amazing Thursday.

According to some of my mail, yesterday’s offering certainly stirred up many of our subscribers. With the year being 1/3rd over, plans are being firmly adjusted to make sure intentions are met.

I was very excited yesterday to hear from one of my friends who is going through some of the craziness caused by the real estate debacle currently being experienced in the U.S. I hadn’t heard from her in a while, and was a tad concerned as she wasn’t returning e-mails, or phone calls.

This friend, who is also a subscriber, and who does read the “daily reader” (even though she hadn’t responded to my e-mails) was inspired by yesterday’s offering to drop me a note to say she needed more of that “stuff”.

So, by her prompting, we draw on one of our contributors for today offering.

5 Strategies for Lasting Change
Helaine Iris

“Be the change you wish to see.” Mahatma Gandhi

In the last issue of Along The Purpose Path I told the story of a client who’s been working to make a change in her life. She wants to grow her business while at the same time, decrease her stress level and increase how much she enjoys herself. She’s not alone.

My client’s breakthrough began when she made a mental shift from a state of striving to state of thriving.

What seems to make the difference between those who thrive versus those who strive comes down to the willingness to identify what is and isn’t working in life; and then making the appropriate changes. Yet, studies indicate that most - over three-quarters of us - fail to follow through on the changes we set out to make.

The reality is change is difficult for just about everyone. Those who do manage to follow though on life changes aren't simply lucky. Instead, they've mastered the skills to not only make change easier, but also to make their changes sustainable over time.

It's a cliché that bears repeating. Rome wasn't built in a day. Change happens one step at a time. The most effective change a person can make is when it’s taken in small increments. People often get stopped because they don’t shift their focus from the big picture long enough to effectively plan. When you don’t have a solid plan, and support for your plan, it’s easy to get bumped off course and become disillusioned.

The good news is every time you successfully implement a change, small or large, your life gets better. Success builds new evidence that change is possible. It spreads confidence and a sense of achievement throughout your life.

It’s the Spring season. It seems there's something magical about new beginnings that inspires most of us to reexamine our lives, renew our commitment to a goal or resolve to make changes. Some of us aim even higher toward a complete reinvention of our selves.

As a Coach, I earn my living by helping people make changes in their personal and professional lives. So it won't surprise you to hear me suggest these five strategies you can begin using to make changes, stop striving and begin thriving in the year ahead.

1. Identify the “gap”

A “gap” represents the difference between where you are currently and where you want to be. An example of a gap might be: I want to be exercising regularly but I’m currently not exercising at all. Or I want to start my own home business and I’m currently employed. There can be small gaps or there can be big gaps.

Having the life you want is really a matter of identifying and closing your gaps. This perspective can reduce the feelings of overwhelm. Instead of looking at life as one huge problem, you begin to see a series of gaps that needs filling one at a time.

Once you identify your gaps, you have a road map to follow.

2. Reveal and disqualify the disempowering beliefs that energize your gap Now that you have identified your gaps you can begin to close them.

At the heart of every gap is an underlying belief or story that is limiting. It's necessary to flush out these disempowering beliefs that may get in your way of closing the gap. Usually, these beliefs are transparent to us, and we aren't aware of how powerfully and pervasively they operate to control our choices. When you shine the light of awareness on these beliefs, they're neutralized, and you’re able to make more empowered choices in closing your gap.

Let’s play with examples. What might be a disempowering belief behind my exercise example? What thoughts or stories might be transparently shaping your inability to stick to an exercise program?

I can’t follow through anything Exercise is hard and I hate it There’s not enough time
Once the limiting thought is revealed, now what?

3. Build a positive case for yourself

After revealing the belief, it's important that you find out what's true about you and your life. You need to inquire to discover if your beliefs are real obstacles or if they’re just a product of old thought patterns. Go back to the exercise example. “I don’t follow through on anything.” Is that true? Can you find examples of where you have followed through on something? If so, make a list that disqualifies this particular belief. This process will help you build a more positive case for your own success, and when you notice yourself slipping into the old thought pattern, you can shift to what's true something more true and much more positive. It’s really a matter of building new thinking habits and practicing them.

When you get to the truth, you feel better. In the example, all the energy tied up in resisting exercise can now go into exercising.

4. Make a plan and take action

Here’s where the rubber meets the road. All the inspiration and awareness will only go so far. Who hasn’t had the experience where you get inspired about something and go off to accomplish it only to lose steam and give up on your dream or project?

That’s where having a solid plan comes in, an action plan. Write out the steps of your plan. Be specific. An important part of designing a successful action plan is building an accountability structure. When you’re accountable to specifics or someone else you have a better chance of following through with what you say you want.

This brings us to the last step.

5. Create a circle of support

We all need support. Often the difference between getting successful results and not, depends on how well supported you are.

I was just working with a client who wanted to introduce a new routine into her life. She questioned her ability to stick to it. When I asked her what in the past helped her stay on track with something new she said, “Telling someone my plan made me more accountable. By speaking my intention out loud made it harder to just blow it off”. Then I asked her whom she would tell about her new plan. She decided to tell her husband and use him for her accountability. You could take it a step further and ask the person to periodically check in with you how you are doing with your commitment. Now, that’s support.

A circle of support can mean a lot of different things. It can be your partner, your best friend, colleagues at work, or your family. Meaningful support can be any or all of these people, the more support you have the better. The only critical distinction is that you are supported for YOUR agenda, not the supporters.

Establishing and calling on your "circle of support" will help you sustain yourself through all of life through challenging times and through great times.

Why not give this strategy a try. Begin to thrive in your life. I’d love to hear your thoughts, feedback and successes. Email me at mailto:helaine@pathofpurpose.com

It’s YOUR life…imagine the possibilities!

Helaine Iris is a certified Life Coach, writer and teacher that loves her life. She works with individuals, and self-employed professionals, who want to thrive in their business while crafting a life that's in absolute alignment with their highest ideals, deepest values and gracefully masters the complexities of modern living. For a solution focused complimentary session visit her website http://www.pathofpurpose.com

Sure-Fire Mental Strategies to Fight Stress

A note from: peter@thewealthyattitude.com

Say hello to the midweek point.

My mailbox yesterday contained a few notes from subscribers who were dealing with some quite stressful issues. Most of them had to do with money. And yes my American friends, the “R” word is now in everyday conversation.

I have long been an advocate of every single “salaried” having a home-based business. Apart from the obvious tax incentives, having a community of like-minded folks to work and play with helps incredibly with taking the typical “stresses” away from the day.

North Americans are in for an economic bumpy ride, (and no Mike Y, it’s not my opinion) and many should be setting their sail in a whole new direction.

Today’s offering by Karla Brandau will help quell the “stressors”.

For our subscribers who want to see another economic option, go check out: www.outstandinghomebusiness.com

Sure-Fire Mental Strategies to Fight Stress
By Karla Brandau

I distinctly remember my first experience with a tiger at the zoo. The tiger was a gorgeous creature. It moved with subtle power. The fur was radiant and I had an urge to cuddle up and stoke that soft coat like I would cuddle and pet our precious family kitten, Mollie.

Then the zookeeper came to feed the tiger and I stood in amazement as it grabbed a 30-pound steak and--without any manners--wolfed it down in two bites.

Satisfied with its meal, the huge feline opened its mouth and roared. The sound was deafening and I took four steps backwards with astonishment to make sure I was well out of harm's way. The strong steel fence separating us suddenly looked frail!

Stress can be as seductive as this tiger at the zoo. There is a very flimsy fence that separates us from the good stress that moves us into action (the fulfilling kind of stress called 'eustress' or urgency) and the bad stress that cripples productivity (that we experience as 'distress'). For instance, when we are seduced by a personal "pity party" - the magnificence of the tiger - we elicit unwarranted sympathy from others while excusing ourselves from taking action. We are figuratively stroking a fierce tiger that has the power to devour us in two bites.

Science has proven that distress affects your body in a myriad of ways from headaches to backaches. So figuratively speaking, the fierce tiger of distress eats at your body. How long has it been since you were still for a moment and "listened" to the tension in your body? Does your body have to ROAR like the tiger to get you to slow down and reduce your distress levels? Or can it whisper to you and have you take action?

Just last week I picked up a book I had not opened for years, The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck. Again I read the first paragraph: "Life is difficult. Once you accept that, it no longer matters." I was inspired to reevaluate my stress levels and stop stroking the stress tiger but rather, strengthen my stress fence.

Your stress fence, or the wall between you and the tigers of life, helps you accept the things you cannot change. This, in turn, helps you find life wonderful, even though it is definitely not perfect.

Five strategies to help you stop stroking the stress tiger are:

1. Understand what you can and cannot control. Taxes, God, the weather, and whether your kid parts his hair on the right side of his head, are things you cannot control. When you stop and realize that you can't control something, this step alone puts you closer to mental health. You can stop banging your head against the wall trying to control events and people performing out of sync with your preferences. Once you accept the fact that you can't control an event or a person, you can take direct action by applying coping skills.

2. Use your power of choice. Your mind is a phenomenal organ: it has the ability to make choices. Once you realize that you have a choice between stress or distress, or that you can see obstacles as opportunities, you have developed the ability to choose healthy alternatives to distress. You can choose to re-label events, see other viewpoints, and let go...

3 Re-label events. Your mind labels everything that happens to you, assigning each event as 'good', 'bad', 'terrible', 'wonderful', etc. If you don't like the stress the assigned label is causing inside of you, use the mental technique of re-labeling. For example, imagine with me that you made a mistake at work, which was then dutifully brought to your attention by a co-worker. Your mind will probably quickly label this as a 'bad' experience. To re-label this event, consciously label it as a 'learning' experience.

4. See other viewpoints. If your car battery dies - a bad thing - you take the attitude of gratitude that it happened at home, not at the grocery store or the edge of a major freeway.

5. Learn to let go. Perhaps the hardest of all the skills discussed here, this may be the most difficult because, to a certain extent, we love our individual pity parties that enable us to feel sorry for ourselves. We wrongly think that no one else in the world has pain like our pain. One easy way to let go is to take a look around, observe someone else experiencing distress, step out of your world and step into theirs, and then help them. It is amazing how much better you will feel.

Karla Brandau, CSP, is an expert in change, leadership and team building in the flat world. She offers keynotes and workshops to move your organization forward. Sign up for her monthly newsletter, From the Desk of Karla Brandau by going to Karla Brandau.com.

Get Over It!

By: Neil Parmar

Are you obsessing over your shortcomings? Here's a few tips that will help you get on with your life.

Ever get stressed out because you weren't sure what you'd say at that morning meeting? Worried about what you'd look like after squeezing into last year's bathing suit? Have you said something you know you shouldn’t have?

Self-consciousness keeps us fighting that battle to control our self-image. But obsessing over our shortcomings inevitably traps us in embarrassment and shame.

The difference between embarrassment and shame is slight but significant, and the distinction is crucial for building a protective armor of self-esteem. When we introduce our friends to a colleague and forget her name, it's an embarrassing blow to our image, because we think others are viewing us in a negative light. If there are enough embarrassing moments that we begin viewing ourselves badly, then our self-image collapses and we feel that heavy weight of shame.

Creating a pillar of success in our lives is one way to end the dreaded trap of embarrassment and shame. Successfully completing a difficult project at work builds confidence and leads to future success. Similarly, a satisfying relationship is a prideful accomplishment and helps motivate us to seek other such connections.

But how do we take that first brave step away from self-consciousness in order to feel like (and ultimately become) a success?

Kill shame-inducing situations before they become a threat, advises David Allyn, Ph.D., a Harvard-trained social scientist and visiting scholar at Columbia University's Institute for Social and Economic Research and Policy. His book, I Can't Believe I Just Did That, includes a few pointers:

Be on time. Punctuality creates self-discipline and impresses both others and yourself. It's a healthy habit that keeps you calm about the clock.

Stick to the facts. You're bound to get caught lying, so why bother? Lies just set you up with unnecessary opportunities to feel ashamed.

Cut the gossip. Comments made behind your back sting, and don't forget how you feel about those who talked about you. Focus on deep, meaningful talk where every conversation can be a chance to realize a dream or accomplish an aim.

Keep your word. It feels good to be considered reliable, so honor your word no matter what the reasons are for disregarding them. Remember, a promise is a promise.

If the damage is already done and you find yourself at the tail end of an embarrassing situation, you can still avoid that feeling of shame by recovering gracefully. Don't lash out in defense or lie to cover your tracks—you'll just end up feeling worse and likely complicate a relationship that doesn't need complicating.

Try laughing it off or explaining why you made the mistake. Also, don't leave a social situation simply to avoid the people you made a mishap in front of—avoidance will leave you feeling further ashamed and isolated.

Here's a very important point to remember:
People tend to forget others' mistakes and obsess over their own.