Courage in the Face of Failure

A note from peter@thewealthyattitude.com for Tuesday June 10 2008

Welcome to this fine Tuesday.

One of the great parts about my “job” here at this desk is that I get to share ideas, concepts, and practices with an entire team of contributors and writers. We get to virtually “hang out” and dig deeply into the entire spectrum of feelings and emotions that drive us all each and every day.

For these great folks there is nothing that can’t be discussed, dug into, dealt with, and dissected. You can just imagine the scope of where these conversations can go. It’s all very stimulating.

One of the issues that frequently comes up is how to deal with “failure”. I’m absolutely sure that if you are reading this note you have had to address this subject at sometime in your life.
Today’s offering gives us all yet another perspective on what can be a crippling issue.

Courage in the Face of Failure
By Charlie Badenhop

The fear of failure is an emotion that knocks on everyone's door at one time or another. I hope this story helps you reconsider failure from a new, more heartfelt perspective.

A woman in her fifties who'd been working as a business professional for a number of years - let's call her "Karen" - came to one of my workshops for the first time. As is my usual style, Karen and I start out talking about various topics, as we wait for the "right" thread of conversation to emerge. I have no idea what the right thread will be, but I'm confident it will present itself, if we engage each other with open hearts and minds.

At some point Karen states she's been doing a lot of meaningless work for quite some time. She says she's been doing the work no one else in her company wanted to do. As a result of this, she says she's lost touch with herself and her dreams. In a very heavy, dark voice she says, "Fifty two years old, and look at me, I'm a failure! A broken marriage, a broken career, and nothing to show for anything."

Her words touch me deeply. I sit back and take a deep breath to help center myself, as I thank her for having the courage to share such a powerful message. "Failure or no failure," I say, "It's very special to be with someone who has the courage to step forth and expose their pain. Courage in the face of perceived failure, is a great triumph of human spirit." I take another deep breath and look around the room some, wanting everyone to know it's OK to gently respond, if they care to.

I look back at Karen and begin to tell her about some of my own failures. I don't have to reach too far, to find some areas of disappointment and disillusionment. Little by little, spontaneously and honestly, most everyone in the room starts sharing their failures as well. Job, marriage, parenthood, friendship, making amends with one's parents before they die... The list grows rather long, rather quickly.

It soon becomes apparent that none of us have been "only successful." At some point I ask the group if anyone would be willing to share their definition of "failure." There is silence, and then Karen, all of a sudden looking somewhat inspired says...

"Failure is when you try to make believe you are someone other than who you are. Failure is when you come to believe there aren't any viable alternatives in life, to the way you've been living. Failure is when you don't share your experience with others because you're convinced it's only you who is suffering, or that somehow all of this madness has happened because something's wrong with you. Failure is feeling you are incapable of finding satisfaction and love."

Still knowing almost nothing about my work at this point, After making her statements, Karen adjusts her posture and further says, "Failure is sitting in a posture like I tend to sit in, and taking that posture out into the world."

Tears began to ebb down Karen's face, and the entire group is touched by Karen's courage and pain. People go from listening with their ears to an experience that was "someone else's," to feeling with their hearts how Karen's words and Karen's sorrow also belong to them.

Such is the power of a supportive, caring community. It transforms "I" into "We"! It is this "we-dentity" that gives us the courage to stand up and face our strongest pain, our greatest fears. The courageous sharing of any one member of the community, can lead to the healing of all who are present.

At such times, "failure" is transformed into a triumph of human spirit.

Charlie Badenhop is the originator of Seishindo, an Aikido instructor, NLP trainer, and Ericksonian Hypnotherapist.

Foolish Impulse or Tragic Hesitation?

A note from: peter@thewealthyattitude.com

Welcome to the start of a fun new week.

I do sincerely expect that you had an outstanding holiday weekend.

The mail that was inspired by last week’s offerings continued to come in over the weekend, and I have to say, it was all wonderful. A “high 5” to all of you who shared with me the latest awareness breakthrough you experienced. All amazing stuff folks.

Many folks inquired who Sgt Henry W. is and what is his story. I can’t go into to much detail folks, other than to say, this young man is recovering from devastating injuries sustained in Iraq. He wrote me a note in January after his sister got him to subscribe to our little adventure here, and we have been e-mailing back and forth since.

I wanted to publicly acknowledge him for the incredible perspective he has developed since his injuries. He totally inspired me with his lack of anger and regret. He has taken this “opportunity” to design a life for himself that many fully “articulated” people will never experience.

I allowed myself to get a little pissed last week with some “able bodied” individuals who continue to choose the lesser path of bitching, complaining and moaning. They have every single opportunity and advantage at their disposal, and they still choose lack and misery, over abundance and happiness.

This amazing young man is my standard today for courage, resilience, faith, and “aliveness”. He allows me to live my incredible life without the shackles of the self-described “defeated”.

I’m expecting Sgt Henry will allow me to post a picture of himself in the future, but for now, he allowed me to share this with you.

“Peter, let your subscribers know that of the 100% of physical faculty’s that most people have, I now have the use of but 5%, and with that as a new beginning, I will make this 5% more powerful that most people’s 100%, just watch me.”

“Henry, I’m glad you’re on my side my young friend.” ~p~

Our friend Philip get’s us underway this week with a note that could have been penned with Henry in mind.

Foolish Impulse or Tragic Hesitation?

By Philip Humbert

The English language is full of clichés, but few are more confusing than the conflict between "Fools rush in" and "Those who hesitate are lost." How do we balance the "need for speed" with the advice to "look before you leap?"

We all know the necessity for planning and preparation. We know that success requires a strong foundation, careful thought, and precision. But, we are also advised to "strike while the iron is hot" and that "the early bird gets the worm." What's a person to do?

This confusion first struck me when I read biographies of Roald Amundsen and Robert Scott, the first two men to reach the South Pole. Amundsen was the more impulsive of the two. He landed on the shelf ice, unloaded his gear and took off. He got to the pole first, and he returned to tell the tale.

Robert Scott was far more organized, and he had better equipment. When he landed on the ice, he prepared carefully for the enormous challenge ahead. He was the better scientist and he, too, got to the South Pole. But he got there second and, because of his delay the Antarctic winter began before he got back. After weeks of bitter and heroic struggle, he and his men died just eleven miles short of base camp and safety.

I was reminded of that this week while reading Edmund Morris' biography of young Theodore Roosevelt. When he was 25, after his wife died in childbirth, Roosevelt made his first trip to the "Bad Lands." When his guide backed out, he plunged ahead with no idea what to expect. He was unprepared and might have died, but instead found a rugged wilderness that restored his health and in many ways created the man who later became president. Who could have guessed?

So how do we balance the "need for speed" with the advice to "look before you leap?"

First, understand and honor your unique personality. Some of us are "planners." For them plans, research and a methodical approach are required. Impulsive action makes them nervous, and that's fine! But others are built for speed. They see opportunity and feel they must act quickly. That's fine, too! As Shakespeare advised, "First, know thyself and to thine own self be true." Design your life so that it (mostly) brings you the type of opportunities and situations you prefer.

Second, understand the limitations of your preferences. Some of us eagerly jump in, while others are planners, and both are good but each has its limitations.Some things in life must be grasped instantly or they are gone forever. Sometimes, if "you snooze, you lose!" and if you are a planner, some opportunities won't fit your natural inclinations. Design your life so that, as often as possible, you have time you need for thoughtful, careful consideration.

Others prefer the drama and excitement of speed. If that's your preference, design systems that create multiple opportunities where you can "grab and go." But, be aware of the downside risk. Some impulses, like driving too quickly on a dark and slippery road, can end in tragedy.

Finally, learn the fine art of flexibility. Few of us are so extreme in one direction or the other that we can't make exceptions when called for. Learn to analyze the true nature of the situation, and respond accordingly. Even if you strongly prefer careful planning, know that some situations call for immediate action and that's alright! Go for it! It's good practice and might, like Roosevelt's ride into the Badlands, lead to amazing results. Other situations require detailed preparation and no matter how much you want to act quickly, caution is advised. Winners recognize the difference and respond appropriately.

The key to success is using your personal preferences to your advantage.

Design a life that builds on your strengths.