Personal Responsibility

A note from peter@thewealthyattitude.com for Monday June 2 2008

Welcome to a brand spanking new month.

I’m blisteringly excited here at this desk as I was able to accomplish a goal I had set for myself when we launched The Wealthy Attitude with the new format back in January. It was always my intention to provide our subscribers with an opportunity to advance the many topics and concepts opened by our great contributors. Now we have a way to do just that very thing.

We have launched The Wealthy Attitude Book Store, and you can now build upon your e-book and audio library at: http://www.thewealthyattitudebookstore.com/ So go check out the first 90 titles on the shelves. I believe you’ll like what you see, and we’re going to be adding new ones every month.

Now, as mentioned last week, we’re going to be continuing the topic of “personal responsibility” right through this week and we’ll be finishing up on Friday with a video offering that will tie everything together. So, on with today’s offering.

Our good friend Chuck lays it out clearly today.

Personal Responsibility

by Chuck Gallozzi

Responsibility is not a burden, it's a blessing

Today's subject is responsibility. Not social responsibility, which is a separate issue, but personal responsibility. When we take responsibility, we admit we are the ones responsible for the choices we make. We, not other people or events, are responsible for the way we think and feel. It is our life, and we are in charge of it. We are free to enjoy it or disdain it. No, we are not responsible for all that happens to us, but we are responsible for how we think, feel, and act when they happen.

Why did God make us so fleet-footed? Some would argue it is to allow us to dodge, duck, and run from responsibility! Why would anyone want to do that? Well, many people associate responsibility with duty and obligations, which, in turn, are thought of as burdens. But personal responsibility is not a burden, it is a blessing. This becomes clear when we understand that PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY IS NOTHING OTHER THAN THE FREEDOM TO CREATE OUR OWN LIVES. Yes, responsibility is equated with freedom and power. Once we awaken to this fact, we become liberated and empowered. Once we become aware of this truth, we shed our victim mentality and gain the power to transform ourselves.

The other day it was pouring rain. Some waved their arms in exasperation and complained that their day off was 'ruined' by the weather. How can a free car wash and watering of the lawn 'ruin' one's day? The complainers are not free. They are in prisons of their own making. They 'can't' enjoy life simply because it's 'too' wet outside. Instead of choosing to be miserable, why not choose to rent a hilarious video, play indoor mini golf, visit the library or bookstore, see a friend, or dress properly, take an umbrella, and enjoy a walk in the rain? Why reject the roles of creativity, flexibility, and resiliency in order to play the role of victim? Why choose to be weak when one can be strong? Why choose to be sullen when one can be thrilled?

Let's get personal and talk about you for a moment. Are you perfectly happy with the way things are at this time, or do you wish things were better? Chances are you are neither perfectly happy nor completely unhappy, for most of us lie somewhere between both extremes. However, if you're not totally satisfied, what are you doing about it? If you continue to do the same things, everything will remain the same. Nothing will change until you do.

If a change in your life is warranted, why not begin by recognizing that your present situation is not the result of your genes, parents, education, job, luck, timing, health, or environment. Rather, it is the choices you have made and the actions you have taken that have brought you where you are today. Change your choices and actions and you will change the results that follow. This understanding is the first step in personal transformation. The second step is the action that follows, for as Dietrich Bonhoffer (1906 ~ 1945) wrote, "Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility."

What action should we take? Start by taking a personal inventory. That is, examine your life to learn the extent that you are either already taking responsibility or evading it. This is best done by asking yourself a series of questions and writing the answers for later study. Here's what I mean. Do you ever say to yourself or others any of the following? Life is so unfair. I'm unlucky. No one wants to help me. It's not my fault that I'm the way I am. Life is an endless struggle; there are too many burdens to bear. Terrible things are always happening to me. My parents (spouse, friends, coworkers, boss, health, the weather, or the political situation) make me depressed (angry or frustrated). I feel overwhelmed and helpless. Some people get all the breaks; I'm just unfortunate. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. There's nothing I can do; it's just the way the world is. I can't succeed because of the corrupt government, blood-sucking corporations, greedy employers, and back-stabbing coworkers. I'm unsuccessful because of the prejudice (age discrimination, sexism, jealousy, hatred, stupidity) of others. I would be successful if it weren't for the idiots holding me back. Self-help books, positive thinking, or the advice of others can't help me.

Can you see where I'm going with this? All the above thoughts express the mindset of a self made victim. Instead of taking personal responsibility and taking charge of one's life, that kind of thinking is used to blame others or life for one's own failures. That type of thinking is dead-end thinking, self-defeating thinking. With these thoughts in mind, and tongue in cheek, Ambrose Bierce (1842 ~ 1914) defines responsibility in his "The Devil's Dictionary" as follows: "RESPONSIBILITY, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star."

Yes, it's easy to shift the responsibility and blame others or events. But what good is that? All it does is keep us in a rut. We cannot make any real progress until we admit to ourselves, "Only I can hold myself back. Only I can stand in my own way. Only I can help myself. Only I can take personal responsibility. Only I can transform myself from a victim of circumstances to a reasoning, choice-making, action oriented person. Only I can make the decision to stop acting like a victim and start taking charge of my life."

One of the first 'people' we greet each morning is our reflection in the mirror. Don't we want to be accountable, answerable, and responsible for the life we are creating for it? By accepting that responsibility, we unleash great power and transform ourselves. It may be convenient for a caterpillar to have so many legs, but it remains earthbound. It is far better to make a dramatic change and transform ourselves like a butterfly, so we can take flight and explore a new world.

Let me end by saying, all this emphasis on making the right choices and accepting personal responsibility is for your benefit only. That is, use these ideas to improve yourself, but not to judge others. You can never enter the mind, heart, and body of another, so you are unaware of the reasons for their failures. Not everyone is as ready as you are to change. That's why it is written in the Talmud (Rabbinical writings of the 1 ~ 6 centuries AD), "A man may not be responsible for his actions in an hour of tribulation and pain."

On the other hand, if you are racked with pain, saddled with poverty, or deprived of other blessings most take for granted, use your experience to have compassion for those who are even worst off than you, but do not use your burdens as excuses to remain in a negative frame of mind. You have enough problems already; don't add to them by endlessly complaining, for that only entrenches them deeper into your life. Rather, look for the good, appreciate it, and take responsibility by making the most of what you have.

Happiness is a choice, just like misery is; we all have the responsibility to make the right choices.

We owe it to ourselves to do so.

Taking Responsibility - the Biggest Freedom

A note from peter@thewealthyattitude.com for Tuesday May 27 2008

Welcome to this fine Tuesday.

The topic for this week came clear to me yesterday. I read some articles about how some entrepreneurial folks are turning the economic downturn, the highest ever gas prices, and the devastated real estate market into outstanding opportunities.

The one single thing that these entrepreneurs have in common is, they all took 100% responsibility for “everything”. And from that stance they clearly saw what to do to thrive while most folks cower in panic.

The theme of “personal responsibility” is going to ring some bells this week. Let’s get started.

Taking Responsibility - The Biggest Freedom

by Nisandeh Neta

Let's go for a bus ride, shall we? You've actually been traveling in this bus for quite some time already. This bus is called your life.

It has a destination plate on the front. You have simply never read it before, as you're not accustomed to being on the outside of your bus.

You choose who's driving, while you're hanging around and enjoying the ride. Some choose their mother or father (or both) to drive their bus; others nominate a social, political or spiritual figure to drive their bus, whilst others choose a significant other. In fact, most people I know nominate another to drive THEIR bus.

The driver may change over the years or as a result of different events. For a while, you may even nominate your physician or therapist to be the driver of your bus, perhaps even your lawyer or accountant.

In most instances, you choose experienced drivers. They know how to shift the gears, use the blinkers and operate the radio.

Since you don't know your destination, they'll take you where they think you ought to be going. It will ultimately be their choice of destination.

And while your designated driver drives, you can enjoy the ride. Walking from the first row to the last one, living happily (or not) in your little bus, called life.

Since you have nothing of significance to do, you may get a little bored. Most people do.Some fall asleep, hoping to fall into an interesting dream. Some fill the emptiness with anything they can find in the mini-bar of the bus. Others still, turn on the little blue box at the rear of the bus, staring at the moving pictures, describing other people and their bus journeys.

It's not until many years and as many miles down the road that the realization dawns upon them, "Hey, I'm missing my journey". I see it everyday.

Some wake up 5 or 10 years too late only to discover that while their spouse drove their bus, they missed their children's early years. Others wake up with a bang, usually around their forties to realize that while their boss was driving their bus, they forgot what youth, playfulness and joy were.

Most people are afraid to drive their own bus.They believe that they're not capable. Not good enough.They were conditioned to believe that others know better.Some think that they have no choice. They were born with a driver and that's life.

For many it's comforting to know, that there's always someone else to blame for any bump in the road or a turn that leads to a dead-end.

However, there are also consequences and costs for not driving your bus... You feel powerlessness as a direct result of not having control over your life. You are traveling in a direction that in reality has nothing to do with where you really wish to be... your destination.

Usually your driver chooses the radio station he or she likes. And this constant background music might not be to your liking. And most of all, traveling as a passenger in your own bus is infinitely boring and unfulfilling.

So, how about taking the steering wheel in your own hands? Give your driver a 15-second-notice and then throw him or her off your bus. See what happens.

When you sit in front, you'll see the road ahead of you. You're not that busy with all that surround you from the sides. You don't spend valuable time, looking back through the rear window. Everything is new, fresh and exciting. The bumps on the way are still there, but this time you choose how to handle them. You can even choose your favorite radio station.

I can hear some of you screaming from the back, "God is my shepherd, God is my designated driver!" Well folks, here's a newsflash: if God is your shepherd, then his job is to navigate, not to drive! Make friends with God, Spirit, the Universe, your Higher-Self - whatever you want to name it. Invite him (her) to sit next to you and ask him what's your destination. He knows it.

Then, along the way, you can ask him what's the best turn here and there... and listen carefully. When you get the answer - it is still YOU who choose to follow the directions, or turn the other way.

Remember, the destination is only an excuse for the journey. So, enjoy the ride.

PS. Wanna know what is written on the destination plate of YOUR bus?

It says... freedom!

Forgiveness - A Journey To Freedom

by Dr. Trish Whynot


Forgiveness is a journey toward freedom from our past. It is a process that takes some effort and along the road there are plateaus that we reach. We may think that forgiveness is complete at these resting points and then something comes up to show us that there is more work to be done. These plateaus are where we tend to get stuck, to be hard on ourselves and to judge. The process of forgiveness is transformational; it is complex, not to be taken lightly and not something that can be done on command. Be patient and tender with yourself on your journey toward forgiveness. You will know you have forgiven when only love and gratitude remain in your heart for the person you desire to forgive and for the opportunity for personal growth and healing that was presented.



How often do we accept an apology without thinking twice about what we are really feeling around the issue and how often do we say the word, “sorry” without ever taking the time to understand why we did what we did in the first place? Are we practicing forgiveness here or attempting to avoid conflict? When we are on the giving or receiving end of someone saying “sorry,” if there is no attempt to understand the situation and to learn from it, we will find ourselves in this place again and after awhile “sorry” will have no meaning.



When we can resolve an issue and consecrate it with forgiveness we are free to move forward unencumbered by the past. We are able to move forward with a deeper understanding of who we are and with something we have learned. We will have let go of some emotional bondage and be able to move forward with a lighter load. Our unfinished business becomes complete and can be released, freeing up energy no longer needed to keep the unresolved issue and its emotional charge alive. Think about how great it feels when you complete a project. You no longer need to put any attention or energy toward it and now are free to put that energy elsewhere. Unfinished business, whether on the inside or the outside, is energetically exhausting and when we are giving away too much of our energy to all this stuff, it is not available for our use in keeping ourselves healthy and creative. You will merely be in survival mode, trying to keep all your stuff alive. We have cords coming from us to feed our stuff that is waiting for resolution and may wonder why we feel so tied down and drained at times. Completing unfinished business on the inside will free up space for unfinished business to resolve itself on the outside. This is also why we feel so free and full of energy and vitality when our unfinished business is completed. It is truly a rush; a rush of energy coming back into us and it feels great!


If we look at prison as a metaphor, we have criminals that are doing time to make up for what they have done and people awaiting trial. We put parts of ourselves in prisons of our own design, parts of ourselves that are awaiting trial, so to speak, waiting for us to give them a voice, waiting for us to take time to understand where they were coming from and waiting for us to forgive them and bring them back into our hearts. We also have parts of ourselves that we can’t forgive, that we have placed in solitary confinement. Those parts of ourselves that have done things that we can’t take back, that we have deemed unforgivable.


By putting these parts of ourselves out of our hearts we have put them in prison. We have scattered our light, separated ourselves from our Selves and are fragmented rather than whole. We may believe that locking up these parts will protect us from ourselves and make us more acceptable to others, but we are only fooling ourselves. In the process of resolving our unfinished business and bringing parts of ourselves back into our hearts we are able to move forward with more of our Self and a deeper understanding of life. We are lighter and able to attract more of what we want because we are becoming more of the beautiful, loving Being that we truly are.


Avoidance is a plateau on the forgiveness journey. Avoidance involves judging others. If we have not done the personal healing involved in the forgiveness process we may move forward in life attempting to dodge situations of like essence in the future. Perhaps betrayal is something you experienced in the past, if you have unfinished business around this event you may go through life seeing it through the eyes of betrayal, judging others rather than communicating your feelings, in order to avoid betrayal in the future. This takes a lot of energy to do and focusing your attention on betrayal will draw more opportunities for betrayal to you because what you put your attention toward is what you will create.



Forgiveness frees us from the past. Being freed from the past means that we have unlocked emotions and unfinished business, processed through them, learned from them, taken our power back and released them. Being freed from our past means that the issue or event no longer has a hold on us, we are no longer keeping it alive with our energy and no longer need to avoid the issue because we know that our energy is less likely to attract it. Because of what we have learned, if we do attract a situation with similar essence in the future, we now have the tools to handle it.



Being freed from our past doesn’t mean that we have forgiven and forgotten. We never have to forgive someone for what they have done. This is a place where people get stuck because there are things that people do that are just unforgivable. Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean that we forgive someone and invite him or her for dinner and it doesn’t mean that we need to contact the person in order to finish our unfinished business.



Necessary to the forgiveness process is being able to forgive someone for why they have done whatever they did. Forgiveness means that we have done the work involved to release ourselves from the emotional bondage that the event created for us. Forgiveness requires that we give ourselves permission to be free, to stop identifying ourselves with the event. If we are still talking about how we were wronged we are getting something out of it. We know that forgiveness is complete when our discussion is on what we have learned from it in efforts to help others who may be stuck here.



Sometimes we find ourselves having difficulty forgiving others because they couldn’t admit that they were wrong. When someone can admit that they were wrong the relationship has the potential of going to the next level of intimacy, bringing both parties closer through being vulnerable with their feelings. When the perpetrator can take responsibility for the feelings that fueled their actions and the victim can take responsibility for their emotions that attracted the situation there is the potential for growth and healing individually and in the relationship.


There is always a gift for us on our journey toward forgiveness but sometimes we have difficulty seeing it. Sometimes someone comes into our lives attracted by our energy, brings an issue to our awareness and then falls out of our lives. The issue that has been brought to our awareness is the gift. The situation is showing us something present in our energy field that is attracting this person and/or event to us. We all have free will and if the perpetrator is not ready to own his or her stuff then it may be necessary for us to let them go to figure it out with someone else. Fortunately they don’t need to own their stuff and apologize in order for us to be free to move forward in our lives.



We have all been the perpetrator and the victim at one time or another. When we come from a place of fear we can hurt other people. In being conscious of the place that we are coming from we can more easily avoid hurting others by being conscious of our feelings and choosing to come from a place of love.



Pretending to act from a place of love is another plateau on the forgiveness journey. We all long to act from a loving place, but we can’t pretend to do so. It is energetically impossible. You may be able to fool someone on the surface, but unresolved emotions will fuel your words and actions. When our emotions are not in line with our words/actions, we send mixed messages and our unconscious emotions can hurt the person on the receiving end whether they are aware of them or not. Our unconscious emotions are capable of pushing away those we love and can ultimately kill love over time. Unconscious fuel can leave energetic scars on the mental, emotional and spiritual levels of others. Pretending to act from a place of love on the forgiveness journey is really acting from a place of arrogance. Rising above the other person in an attempt to forgive is believing you are better than they are and that is arrogant. It would be more loving to be honest and let someone know that you had some feelings they brought up for you that are in need of resolution. Then at least they’d know where you were coming from rather than wondering and trying to decipher mixed messages.


Don’t confuse feeling sorry for someone with forgiveness. Forgiving someone because you feel sorry for him or her is arrogant as well. Feeling sorry for someone is judging them, looking down on them and assuming they aren’t capable of changing. Sometimes in our attempt to forgive a family member we may go through the feeling sorry for them phase in an attempt to keep them in our lives. This can serve the purpose of putting us back in control, but staying in this place will leave you on another plateau. It may help you to get through the holidays, but it won’t free you from your past. In feeling sorry for someone we aren’t honoring him or her or ourselves. Feeling sorry for someone can feed their self-pity, contributing to keeping them stuck.


Feeling an emotional charge is another clue that more work needs to be done in the process of forgiveness. When you note that talking about an event or person that hurt you in the past gets you heated or brings tears to the surface there is still an emotional charge. You may have cried or vented, but the roots of the emotion are still present. Healing at the root may involve peeling back layers that involve similar pain from past experiences with others, leading back to childhood events. Avoiding your feelings will leave you on another plateau.

If an issue affects us on a cellular level, it will be difficult to release and forgive and you may need some assistance in your process. If you feel like you should be over something and moving beyond, but aren’t able to do so, don’t judge yourself or fall into judgments from others, be honest with yourself and love yourself enough to get some help in your process. Chances are that there is a lot more going on than what is on the surface and that the processing could be transformational for you. It takes great strength and courage to ask for help. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness.


Rationalizing and intellectualizing feelings in our head and judging them as acceptable or not will not release them. We need to bring our emotions in so we can feel them. In feeling them we can begin to understand why we are experiencing them and trace them back to their origin for healing. Looking back on a childhood event, we may judge it as not such a big deal, but through the eyes of a child it was huge. It is necessary for us to feel through the eyes of that child. This is where meditative techniques can be very beneficial to our process.



We have been taught to disregard our feelings as children and therefore go to great lengths to avoid the discomfort as adults. The more we try to avoid our feelings, the more we bury them and the harder they seem to come at us from others. Once we have some tools to process and understand our feelings we realize how wonderful and powerful they are. There are feelings attached to everything we think, do and say.



We have an abundance of Divine assistance available to us when we ask. Often when we ask for help in forgiving someone the assistance comes through in the form of situations coming at us where people are triggering our emotions. People triggering our emotions are helping us to bring buried feelings from our past to consciousness. As adults, when our emotions are triggered, only 10 to 20 percent of what we feel is from the current situation and the other 80 to 90 percent is old stuff coming to the surface. Unlocking and releasing emotions that we didn’t have the maturity or tools to process through initially is an integral part of the forgiveness process. Our emotions must be felt one last time in order to release them. If emotions around the issue arise bring them in and feel them. These feelings hold keys to our freedom from the past and our ability to create an extraordinary future.


It takes some work to get to the place and the space of forgiveness. Resolving our unfinished business and forgiving others and ourselves for not being perfect can create space for more of what we do want to come in. Feeling and releasing emotions that were attached to our unfinished business and replacing the voids with self-love, forgiveness and understanding, we will be magnets for more love. When we can receive love we can receive anything. Like attracts like. If we harbor anger we will be a magnet for angry people or for situations that will trigger our anger. If we choose to be conscious of our experiences and to process through them we can learn to create our lives. We can create, not with force, fear, or at the expense of others, but by tapping into our personal power and creating with love, harm to none, and by clearing the obstacles that we have put in place so that what we desire can find its way to us.


Forgiveness is truly a journey to freedom. You never have to forgive someone for what they did, resume a relationship, or contact someone from your past for forgiveness to be complete. Being free from your past is a decision only you can make.


It requires some effort, but it’s worth the trip. Freeing yourself from your past enables you to live more, love more and be more in your future. Freeing yourself of emotional bondage, you are free to move forward with a lighter load and capable of attracting more optimal futures than were previously conceivable. When the emotional charge from the pain incurred has shifted to the memory of what you have learned from the experience and only love and gratitude remain in your heart for yourself and those you have forgiven, you will know that forgiveness is complete. A greater understanding for the deeper meaning of your earth experience and destiny will be revealed and you will probably choose to learn in a more elegant fashion in the future. Life will be more fun, love will be less scary and you will truly believe that it’s great to be you!



The forgiveness process teaches us to be tender with ourselves and with others. We are all capable of hurting ourselves and others when coming from a place of fear and emptiness, but the process of forgiveness helps us to love ourselves and to consciously express from a place of love toward others.



In order to give the best of yourself it is necessary to love yourself first; otherwise you are giving from a place of sacrifice, which is a very, empty place.



Fall in love with yourself.

Forgiveness - The Path To Healing & Spiritual Growth

by Lisa Hoskins

The dictionary defines the word forgive as: [to pardon, as to for-give an enemy; to cease to feel resentment for, as to forgive an offense].

I have heard people say this many times: "I will never forgive them for what they did!", as if by saying this they are causing harm to the person who hurt them. The reality is that they are doing the harm to themselves alone. As defined in the dictionary, when you forgive someone you "cease to feel resentment". Resentment, along with anger, hate, jealousy and other negative emotions, will eat you up inside and can cause actual physical ailments and disease.

Often times after we have been emotionally, physically or spiritually hurt, the pain quickly turns to anger and resentment. We go over the episodes of the past in our heads, re-living each painful moment again and again like a never-ending nightmare. Each time we do this the old feelings surface and we once again feel the gut-wrenching pain the person caused us. By doing this we are living in the past instead of the present, and it can be a dangerous thing for everyone involved but the majority of danger falls right into your lap.

Many people feel that forgiveness is a gift. I agree! It is a gift, but not to the one you are forgiving. The gift is to yourself and what a wondrous gift it can be.

By forgiving the people who have hurt you in the past you set yourself free from the chains of resentment and other harmful emotions running rampant through your mind, body and spirit. By forgiving you are taking away the control the other person has over you. You are empowering yourself and growing by spiritual leaps and bounds. You will heal deep-rooted pain that perhaps you thought was gone a long time ago but has survived, living under all of the resentment that you have held onto for so long. By forgiving you are one step closer to your journey of self-growth and healing.

Some of you are on a journey of helping Creator to give healing to others who need it. The first step on your journey is to heal yourself. This can be very difficult as well as painful but the upside to the difficulties and pain is the end result, which is very rewarding indeed. It will be rewarding for both you as a healer and for those who you will help to heal.

I have heard of horrific and tragic stories relating to the suffering that people on this earth have gone through and like many of you, I have often asked how Creator could place anyone in such situations.

The truth of the matter is that many people who have lived such suffering and painful lives, or have survived horrific events go on to become wonderful healers on this earth, doing Creator's work.

They start foundations, organizations, become therapists, doctors, authors of self-help and spiritual books, host talk shows. The list goes on.

So perhaps this was Creator's plan all along and we should be thankful for many of the sufferings that have taken place and that we have to endure. Without them many people would not be who they are today - stronger, healthier, more forgiving, more helpful to others, more loving.

I once held on to a great amount of anger towards someone who had caused me pain for many years. One day a spiritual healer asked me to surround this person in light and send him love. I looked at the spiritual healer as if she were crazy! How DARE she ask me to do such a thing! How did she even think I would be capable of forgiving someone who had hurt me so bad?! I tried to remain open to what she was telling me, but honestly did not believe I could go through with it.

Then she said something to me that grabbed my attention - "By forgiving him and sending him loving thoughts, you will free yourself and he will no longer have such a great hold on you". As I drove home after speaking with her, I thought of this sentence many times and just the idea of the freedom from the pain sounded so joyous and peaceful, yet far away at the same time.

About a week later I quietly sat down and asked Creator to help me do what needed to be done. I asked Creator to surround this man in his light, and then sent loving thoughts to him along with my forgiveness. Most importantly, I forgave myself for the choices I had made during those years, and took responsibility for them as well. The pain that I had been holding for so long in my heart slowly poured out as I wept tears of sadness and joy at the same time. That day I freed myself from the chains of resentment and anger, from the pain I had endured for so many years, and from the control of a man who would no longer control anything about me, or within me.... I had healed myself with help from Creator, and from the spiritual healer who with one sentence changed me, and healed me. I am thankful to her and to my experience, for it has made me who I am today.

The next time you think of the act of forgiveness, try not to only see the other person(s) as the only recipient. for you are the most important recipient involved, and you are well worth it.

Options and Liberty

by Brian Klemmer

Here’s a novel thought: All people have freedom. What about those who live under a dictator? They, too, have freedom. Why? Because it’s the ability to choose, and all human beings have that, as Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl has so eloquently described, even in unimaginable circumstances. However, the consequences of their choices are far different than average circumstances. And even though all people have freedom, very few enjoy liberty.

Liberty is the ability to do what you want to do when you want to do it, to go where you want to go when you want to go there. Most important, it’s the ability to be what you want to be when you want to be it.

Compassionate samurai search for choices, solutions, and meaning in life, rather than waiting for them to appear. They try to increase the liberty that they and others enjoy. They don’t shrink from tough choices simply because they don’t like the perceived outcomes.

I believe that of all the gifts God grants us, the most powerful is choice. It’s also a very useful tool if used skillfully. It has a power that gives us the potential winner’s edge all of the time. It’s the ability to create liberty. That might sound like an unrealistic philosophy, but it isn’t. What you pick now determines what you enjoy tomorrow. What you decide not to choose also determines what you’ll never have in this lifetime.

So at the end of the day—or even at the end of your life—you can be an average person and blame others for what did or didn’t happen for you. Or you can be a compassionate samurai and enjoy yourself even amid dire circumstances and create a life of liberty for yourself and others.

If liberty is so great, why aren’t there more compassionate samurai experiencing it? The answer is because there’s a cost for everything. There’s no free lunch. Every benefit has a corresponding cost or something you must give up. There’s a price to acknowledging that you have choices (as there are different consequences for pretending that you don’t). There are costs for making the compassionate samurai choice, as well as for taking the easier way out. At West Point, we were taught always to choose the harder right rather than the easier wrong. They were teaching us to be compassionate samurai. Some might argue about the compassionate part, but we’ll save that for another discussion.

If we wimp out and don’t make the right choices, we lose our liberty.

Frankl once recommended the Statue of Liberty on the East Coast be complemented by a "Statue of Responsibility" on the West Coast. Perhaps he was saying that our liberty requires us to make good decisions. If we wimp out and don’t make the right choices, we lose our liberty. When we do this, we choose obvious short-term benefits with not-so-obvious long-term costs over obvious short-term costs that have not-so-obvious long-term benefits. The very nature of a compassionate samurai is to pick the latter.

I’m concerned with what I see in American society; in fact, that was the impetus for writing this book. Listen to average people complain about how their children won’t benefit from the Social Security program, yet they’re unwilling to change their lifestyle in any way. Look at how average people enjoy the benefits of their current status, but they shrink from considering the future environmental impact of their excesses on their grandchildren even to the point of being "confused" about whether global warming and other such issues are real.

Consider those who made huge amounts of money in the Enron, Tyco, and even Arthur Andersen scandals, with no concern for the thousands who lost their retirement savings as a result—let alone the damages the economy suffered or the cynicism about business that was generated. This isn’t really a new thing. Such behavior has occurred throughout history in nations and families who received abundance rather than earning it. A different, higher value is established when something is earned. When life is painful enough, moving forward becomes a more obvious and easier choice to make for the average individual.

Excerpted from The Compassionate Sumurai: Being Extraordinary in an Ordinary World by Brian Klemmer

Do you want to be right - or be happy?

By Hilda Carroll, Life Coach

Sometimes life really sucks. And other times it's just not too great, or could be better. But that is absolutely no reason to despair. Really! Whether or not you are in a place right now where you can accept this, the truth is that there's always an opportunity in every challenging experience to learn and grow. And it's always in our best interests to actively seek that lesson. What a waste to go through a rough patch and take nothing out of it that will help carry you onwards and upwards in the present and future.

And how do we do seek that lesson? By asking ourselves "what is this here to teach me?" And by asking more than once. Because the more you ask yourself, the deeper your enquiry goes, and the more you learn. The answers may not come to you straight away, in fact they probably won't. And there could be many layers of lessons for you that come through bit by bit. But the more open you are to learning them, the quicker they will come.

Your answers may come to you through something you read, something someone says to you (maybe even a throw away comment), or the lyrics of a song that is divinely played in your earshot. There will be all sorts of magical coincidences and you'll come across stuff that will resonate deeply with you and stop you in your tracks. We call them light-bulb moments, and if we pay attention to them they can radically alter our path in life.

Life keeps throwing us the same lessons, over and over in different guises, until we finally get them. Do you find yourself wondering on a regular basis why you keep finding yourself with a difficult boss, an abusive partner or selfish friends? If there's a pattern of similar circumstances occurring in your life, look for the common denominator. Please don't be offended by this, as I say it non- judgmentally, but it really is likely to be you. If you can accept this, then all you need to do is ask what do you need to learn about yourself - not other people - to put an end to the cycle.

This is not to pick up a stick to beat yourself with. It is just about increasing your self awareness, so that you can approach life differently going forwards. You and I are a work in progress, and it is never done.

All through our lives we are meant to be learning and growing. And we learn the most from our challenging experiences. During those times, be prepared to accept something uncomfortable about yourself, for when you accept it (and forgive yourself) you can easily move past it. But what you resist persists. If you deny something about yourself, self-righteously insisting the problem lies with others, you are not done with it.

If you allow yourself to be really open to what the true reason is for this difficult experience, you will ultimately discover some kind of fear at the root of it. Once you identify your fear, you can start to let go of it. If you aren't aware of it, you'll continue to carry it around subconsciously. That is an energy you are putting out into the Universe and it will attract more experiences into your life that match that energy.

So, when you catch yourself woefully asking why this is happening to you, stop and change that enquiry into a genuinely curious one. And then start to pay attention to what your intuition is trying to tell you. Pay attention to each and every coincidence you notice. This is how you cross the bridge between knowing a thing intellectually and really, truly getting it. And that "penny dropping" experience is the kind of moment that influences an effortless change in your outlook and behavior, and as a consequence your coping mechanism strengthens.

But even better than that, because you've now got the lesson, the Universe no longer needs to send it to you in different disguises. You become free of it. Free to move on and learn and grow and stretch some more.