Tuesday, April 26, 2011

I Give UP!

Easter week has come and gone, Spring is here and every day is filled with opportunities to practice conscious choice, rather than reacting habitually out of old patterns of belief. I hope you have chosen to be awake and on the watch out for those times when unconscious thoughts and words land us in victim-hood.

I often remind clients that landing in victim-hood is normal, even inevitable. There is no judgment about how many times we get caught up in victim-hood. What matters is how long we stay there. It is our return to reality that is important.

When you are upset about something, ask yourself these questions:
What negative thought is causing me distress right now?
Am I willing to observe what happens when I believe that thought?
Am I willing to get honest with myself about what I see?
Or am I looking for something out there to blame?

One way that a victim mind-set manifests itself in our lives is through an attitude of defeat.

Here is a sample of how an "I give up" story might be played out in life:

As a child: If a parent repeatedly says, "You can't get it right. Give it here, I'll do it!" We decide, "I give up".

"I give up" becomes the life theme. It becomes the central core around which we create a victim story that we then verify over and over. The life theme/victim story becomes our identity. We take on a 'victim ego.'

As life progresses the "I give up" story might play out like this:

In Youth:
School is too hard. I can't do it. I give up.
I'm not any good at sports. I give up.
I'm not good enough. I give up.

As Young Adult:
This marriage is too hard, it will never work. I give up.
These kids are impossible. They won't listen to me. I give up.

In Mid-life:
I'll never succeed in my career. I give up.
Dieting is too hard and I can't control my eating. I give up.
I never complete anything, why even start. I give up.
I am getting old and I can't make myself exercise. I give up.

During Senior Years:
I can't remember well anymore and it's too hard to follow the conversation. I give up.
I am too old to get better. My body doesn't work right anymore. I give up.
I can't beat this disease. I give up.

On Deathbed:
I cannot get well. I give up.
It takes too much effort to live. I give up.
It's too late for me. I give up.

"I give up" is an insidious mind set that robs us of life on every front. Instead of claiming victory for our lives, this mind set establishes us as losers who settle for scarcity, poor health and unhappy circumstances. I've worked with clients who started giving up on life as children, inch by inch, so that by the time they were young adults they barely functioned at all!

Of course, there is an appropriate time for 'giving up.' There are lots of things that, after much deliberation and clearing, we need to give up, i.e. let go of such things as, attitudes, beliefs, jobs, addictions, relationships, things that are not furthering us need to be surrendered. This is not the kind of 'giving up' being addressed here. I speak of the kind of giving up that is never appropriate to do;

It is never appropriate to give up on ourselves, our lives, or Source.

Giving up on any of these lands us in a state of victim-hood.

What is the antidote for "I give up?" A will to live - founded on gratitude!

When we find ourselves wanting to give up on ourselves or life, we turn our full attention to Source and proclaim victory over victim by saying things like:

No matter how many mistakes I make I keep going forward. I learn from them and get better and better all the time. I never give up on me.

I know that no matter how hard what I'm trying to learn seems, I will improve with practice. I will practice until I am able to do it with ease and proficiency. I do not give up.

I rise above my circumstances and grow from them. I understand that my life trials prepare me for leadership and future success. I am confident in my ability to realize my goals. I continue, one foot in front of the other, always moving forward. I never give up on my life.

I know that the difficulties I experience in my marriage or with my children are intended to grow me into a better, more conscious and forgiving person. Therefore I seek to understand my own reactions first, rather than fixate on how they need to be different.

I never give up on love.

I take full responsibility for my decisions in my relationship. I know, whether we stay together or not, that this relationship was meant to be and that I have grown from our time together.

I never give up on reality.

No matter what dis-ease I am dealing with, I know that healing is possible.

I never give up on life.

No matter how old I am, I live fully alive every single moment. I will never be too old to feel my oneness with a Source that loves me. I never give up on Source.

Wishing you a lifetime of never giving up!

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