by Guy Finley
Everyone wonders whether or not there is one great secret for truly successful living. There is. And it is not a secret. It has been quietly, steadily telling itself right in front of us all along. We just couldn't hear it over the clatter and chatter of our own secret demands. Listen quietly for a moment. Everything can change right now.
Learning to hear this supreme secret is no more difficult than choosing whether to swim against a current or to let it carry you safely to the shore. Let it speak its wisdom to that secret part of you that can not only hear what it is saying but that is, in reality, its very voice. Listen to it now. It is saying, "Want What Life Wants." Locked within these four simple words is the secret of an uncompromising power for effortless living; a new kind of power that never fails to place you on the winning side of any situation. Why? Because when you want what Life wants, your wish is for Life itself.
Here are two lists that will not only make these life-healing ideas more personal for you, but they will help you to help yourself make a higher choice when it comes to what you really want from life.
Let's look at what happens When You Want What You Want:
1. You are often nervous and anxious because life may not cooperate with your plans.
2. You are willing to sacrifice whatever it takes to get what you want, and this may include your integrity.
3. You are usually scheming in some way to win your next victory.
4. You are either in a battle or recovering from one.
5. You are unable to rest quietly when you need to.
6. You are easily angered when someone or something gets in your way.
7. You are forever driven to want something else.
8. You are against anyone else who also wants what you want.
9. You are certain that what you have is who you are.
10. You are always trying to convince yourself that you got what you want.
Now carefully consider the following When You Want What Life Wants:
1. You are never disappointed with what happens.
2. You are always in the right place at the right time.
3. You are quietly confident no matter what the circumstances.
4. You are out of the reach of anger and anxiety.
5. You are awake and sensitive to your surroundings.
6. You are free of ever feeling as though you've missed out.
7. You are never thrown for a loss.
8. You are in total command of events.
9. You are mentally quiet.
10. You are eternally grateful.
Always remember the following. If any want is the source of anxiety or sorrow, that want is yours and not Life's. Never accept the presence of any mental or emotional suffering as necessary, no matter how much importance these impostors lend to a particularly pressing want. By refusing their dark presence, you make space for the present moment to give you its indefinable presence. This is where the Life that you want -- and that wants you -- is waiting.
Some might ask, “But what will happen to me if I give up my demands?
Won't I lose control of my life?"
You cannot lose control of something you never had control over in the first place. No human being controls life —his, hers, or anyone else's. If it weren't for higher cosmic energies coming down, filling and animating your body right now, you couldn't be holding this magazine in your hands or reading its words. If you want to measure the level of an individual's stress, measure his insistence that life does as he wants. The only thing you will lose by learning to want what life wants is your fear of not being in control—which was never real control in the first place.
Here is the most important point of all. No human being needs control over life because, in reality, no one is apart from it. Who you really are, your True Nature, is not separate from life.
Let Life bring you itself. Welcome it. At each instant, it is new, full—untouched and undiminished by any moment before it. To enter into this full relationship with Life is to give yourself to your Self. Fulfilling the true purpose of Life is fulfilling your self.
(Excerpted from The Secret of Letting Go by Guy Finley, 2007 revised edition, Llewellyn Publications.
Guy Finley is the best-selling author of The Secret of Letting Go, The Essential Laws of Fearless Living, and 35 other works that have sold over a million copies in 18 languages worldwide. Visit his website:
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Posted by Phil Evans
At a time in our lives when there is so much change occurring, we are more frequently being faced with a choice: we often don't see it as a choice; but that's what it is! We are being given a multitude of opportunities to actually embrace change; or to resist it!
Sometimes the necessity for change just happens: and sometimes we are faced with tough decisions to make, and attitudes towards the circumstances we are faced with are critical to whether we just survive, or come out shining!
At other times we need to instigate the change ourselves: and it's times like these that we often have to admit to ourselves that something, or someone, just isn't working in our lives any more. There are usually tough decisions to make when this occurs, but we need to make them:
and move on as wiser people.
Whether you are faced with change that creeps up and bites you on the butt; or whether you have to create a deliberate change yourself; the ability to accept things as they are, and move forward, is critical. One door closes; another opens!
I'm reminded of a brilliant old quote from yesteryear (I think it was Alexander Graham Bell who said it?), and it went something like this: "We often stare for so long at a door which has closed; that we miss the one which has just opened"!
Resisting change is actually hard work! Quite often however, we don't know that we are resisting it, so like most other things in life, it's about being aware!
Right now, change is being forced upon us in many ways; and for some of us, that is absolutely overwhelming. My greatest suggestion for anyone who IS feeling the pinch, is to remember that "necessity is the mother of invention"; so if you can get yourself into embracing the change which is forcing itself upon you, and get creative, then you may come out of your own situation absolutely shining!
If you are hurting in any way whatsoever: then you can choose to reach out to others.
Remember: None of us have to do it tough on our own - ever!
Because, doing it tough on our own, is also a choice!
And if we can actually own that; we can change it!
Monday, September 27, 2010
by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Sheila was stuck. Even though she was trying to hard to change some things in her behavior - especially her anger and her clutter, she found herself doing these things over and over. Then she would get upset with herself, telling herself she was stupid and incompetent.
How often do you tell yourself that you are wrong, bad, inadequate, unworthy, a jerk, stupid, and so on? I’ve found, in the many years I’ve been counseling, that most people are frequently inwardly judgmental. Many of us believe that if we judge ourselves, we can get ourselves to do things differently - to do them “right.” And if we do them right, then others will like us. Underlying this is the false belief that doing things right is a way to control how others feel about us and treat us.
Most of us are taught, from the time we are very little, that we CAUSE other people to feel and behave the way they do. We are taught by our parents, teachers and other caregivers that we cause others to feel angry, scared, hurt, rejected, or loving and accepting. In the case of Sheila, she was taught that if she did poorly in school, she caused her parents to be angry. Their anger was her fault. In other words, she was IN CONTROL of her parents feelings and reactions because her behavior caused their feelings and reactions. Her behavior caused them to be angry and reject her.
Now, as an adult, Sheila believes that she causes others to accept or reject her, or to feel happy or unhappy with her. She believes that if she can just do things “right” enough, she can be in control of others being happy with her and accepting her. We explored this in one of our sessions.
“Sheila,” I asked, “Do you think others are in control of how you feel about them?”
Sheila thought a moment. “No, I don’t think so. Some days, when I’m in a good mood, I seem to like everyone, and other days, when I’m really tired or upset about something, people can really bug me.”
“So how you feel about and treat others has more to do with you than with them, is that right?”
“Yeah, I think that’s right! I never thought about that before!”
“What if someone was trying really hard to get you to like them - like giving you a lot of compliments - would that make you like them?”
“Actually, I don’t like it when people butter up to me. I just feel manipulated by it.”
“So the things they do to try to control how you feel about them don’t necessarily work, is that right?”
“So what makes you think that doing things right will have control over others liking you? Don’t you think everyone is like you - that they decide for themselves to be accepting or rejecting and that it’s often based on how they’re feeling rather than on anything to do with you?”
“Oh my God! So why am I trying so hard to do everything right? It’s a waste of time and energy, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is. It’s not that we can’t influence people, but ultimately we have no control over them. Each of us decides, in any given moment, to be loving or unloving, accepting or rejecting, open or closed. No one decides for us who we are going to be, and we don’t decide that for others. When you really accept that, you will stop trying so hard and just be yourself. And if you’re not trying to do everything “right” you might be more accepting of yourself as well.”
“So what does all this have to do with my anger and clutter?”
“How it relates to that is that you are trying to change yourself in order to do things right, and one way you think you can change yourself is to judge yourself. You are trying to control yourself just as you try to control others. And what happens when you judge yourself? How do you feel?”
“Awful. I feel just awful, with a big black hole inside.”
“And is judging yourself working to get you to stop being angry and to clean up the clutter?”
“It’s not working at all.”
“Right. When you judge yourself, you create an inner resistance. The way through this resistance is to move out of judgment and into compassion for yourself. Compassion open the door to awareness and choice. It gives you the safe inner arena to see what you are doing - such as getting angry or creating clutter - and to decide what you really want to do differently. Compassion for yourself is essential to moving out of a stuck place. What you judge won’t budge!
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org.
Friday, September 24, 2010
by Peter Comrie
Well hello there everyone on this delightful Friday afternoon. It's been busy as heck around here this week and we've been a touch remiss in keeping up with the blog.
That being said, I think today's video offering will make up for it in a huge way. As you are aware, we are forever on the lookout for examples of Full Spectrum Leadership in every expression of life. This weeks video clearly inspired us to create our own little "happy dance" here in this corner of paradise.
The exceptional young folk in the video from Oakland CA have developed an amazing way to settle "turf" disputes. What if we can settle all our disagreements through a form of expression that captivates rather than destroys? This distinctive style of street dancing, known as 'Turf dancing', has been promoted as a means of dispute resolution within the Oakland community. It incorporates and harmonizes all types of styles, from break dancing to popping and ballet...showing us that real respect can be commanded through skill and creativity, rather than fists and guns.
So dear friends, this weekend would be a nice opportunity to have fun creating your own "Turf Dance". Go on, it'll be a hoot.
Have an awesome weekend folks, and get dancing!
See you next week.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Well dear friends, here we are again. We each have a tremendous opportunity today to be a "stand" for what is truly important.
"Peace" means something different to almost everyone, and yet, the feeling that generally arises is one of being "settled". In a world that seems to be hell bent on disruption, we get the opportunity today to reconcile what "peace" really means to us, and then walk in the world from that place.
Here is a lovely video that only takes a couple of minutes to view, and in that short time you get to be "settled" in the wonder of the power you truly possess. Enjoy.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Good day there all on this delightful late summer Friday. We're wrapping up an awesome week here in the "valley" on a very high note.
We launched our Fall season of Full Spectrum Leadership classes with a terrific turnout at "The IMPACT Event" on Wednesday. The Basic class that starts on October 1st is going to be incredible.
To finish the week we are celebrating yet another Full Spectrum Leader. Amy Pankratz, a stay-at-home mother of three in South Dakota, crafts custom capes for sick children and their siblings. She reads their story, she thinks about them, and she prays for them as she is making each cape...infusing it with special powers of hope and courage for each child. And it works! As 5-year-old Brooke Mulford (a.k.a "Super Brooke") says, "It helps me to be brave".
Do you believe in superheroes? After you watch this video, you will.
Have an awesome weekend, and ask yourself, "Who am I a Superhero for?"
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Posted by Karl Moore
Life is a funny old thing.
All around us, every single day, things change.
It's the one thing that moves the whole world forward, and yet as individuals, we consistently resist it. Change is bad. Change frightens us. We do not want change!
But here's a magical little teaching: Everything changes.
It's annoying - but it does.
People die. Kids grow up. Stocks fail. Friends get married. Companies shut down. The things that bring us safety and security alter - and rock our worlds.
This cycle of life, this process of continual change is actually a basic premise in the Buddhist religion. Buddhists appreciate that everything has a beginning, and everything has an end.
It's not just limited to human change, either. Trees, mountains, airplanes, t-shirts, skyscrapers, champagne bottles, televisions. Everything has a start point, and everything has an end point.
So when you witness change in progress, you are merely witnessing things passing from one state to another in that journey from beginning to end.
Look around you right now.
Everything around you was created, and everything around you will ultimately be reduced to dust. That includes your body, too. Such is the transience of life. Nothing is forever.
The world is in a constant state of change.
Indeed, the only constant is change itself.
At first, this may seem disconcerting. But there's a certain peace in this teaching. Because by understanding what is actually happening, and knowing that this cycle is in written in stone, we're no longer "shocked" when these things occur.
Instead, we're able to appreciate the time we had.
Do you fully embrace change in the world right now?
Go and get your favourite household ornament right now. Mine is probably a beautiful grey marble bull that I bought in Mexico. Observe its colour, its artistic design, the workmanship that went into making this wonderful piece of work.
Then imagine it broken, smashed on the floor.
While doing that, try to keep in mind the thought that everything changes. Everything has a beginning and everything has an end.
So, rather than fighting against that transition - with screams, and anger, and weeping - we can instead simply shrug, and understand that's the cycle of life.
Quite simply, everything changes.
So, ask yourself - do YOU resist change in your life?
Are you fighting against the natural cycle from beginning to end?
Think about the last time you really got annoyed at how something changed. Perhaps you lost money in an investment. Or a relationship went sour. Or maybe you crashed your car.
How did you respond?
And can you take a moment out to appreciate how this is all just part of life's constant process of change? How life is churning around everything, constantly?
Just remember that everything is change.
You never step in the same river twice.
Can you even try and appreciate more of what you actually have right now - rather than waiting to miss it, once it has left your life?
This process of constant change can also be reassuring in times of need and grief. Because when you find yourself in bad situations, you can always be reminded that the next step in that constant cycle of change is not far away.
Yes, "even this shall pass."
So, don't fight against the constant cycle of change. It happens.
Appreciate the time you have with the things that are important to you - and know that ultimately, everything is reduced to dust.
This is not a cue to be passive toward life, and cease to pursue the positive. But rather, it's a technique for making peace with the world and its many, many inevitable transformations.
Being aware that everything is change gives you an understanding, an awareness... It gives youperspective when facing situations we find hard to get our heads around.
Yes, everything changes.
But learning to accept that natural cycle will bring you much greater peace and acceptance - and is worth a million self-development boot camps in your personal journey toward freedom.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
by Lauren Rosenfeld
The light of meaning is within us. Happiness, peace, and love are energies that vibrate though the universe. And you and I are channels through which the light of meaning flow.
~From "Your To Be List", Lauren Rosenfeld
Perhaps you believe that there are two types of moments: Ordinary moments and extraordinary moments; moments that are to be treasured and moments that might as well be pitched in the trash.
But all of our "ordinary moments" are moments that we must learn to treasure. Why? Because these "ordinary moments" moments are like seeds from which the exotic flowers of extraordinary moments blossom. If we are expert gardeners, we will look at the humble seed and know that a blossom of remarkable beauty is waiting to be born from it. We know that if we take care of it, feed it nurture it, and are patient with it, then ultimately its breathtaking beauty will ultimately be revealed to us.
If we take care of the ordinary moment that is, just as we would care for the humble seed, then will see that miracles lie within it, waiting to be born. If we care for the moment with wisdom, with understanding, and with love -- we will see it blossom in extraordinary beauty.
Think back to the most miraculous, breathtaking moment of your life. And now imagine if you removed all of the ordinary moments that led to it. What would happen to the miracle? It would disappear. Without the seeds of many unremarkable moments, the miraculous moment would never have manifested.
Every moment you are alive and breathing, you are holding the blossom of eternity in your hands.
So what does this all mean? It means that your daily life, with all its errands and housework and paperwork and phone calls and emails and meetings, is the heart of your spiritual practice. Why throw away 97 percent of your precious time on this planet as if it were just meaningless drudgery. Your daily life is the rich soil in which the garden of meaning blossoms.
And in order to plant the seeds of your garden of meaning and miracles, we believe that when you wake each day, rather than asking the question, "What do I need to do today?" you should ask "What do I want TO BE today?" Do you want to be happy? Relaxed? Compassionate? Strong? Courageous? Well then, your daily life is offering you countless chances to practice at Be-ing that person. Every item you have on your to-do list is your grand opportunity to be that person.
So, be compassionate as you speak to the teller at the bank. Be Relaxed as you sit at the red light in traffic. Be Strong as you comfort a child who is nervous about an upcoming test. Be courageous as you present a new idea at a meeting. This is truly what it means to nurture the flower that lies waiting to blossom within the seed.
Care for your "ordinary moments" by being the person you truly wish to be -- no matter what you are doing, no matter where you are -- and watch as miracles take root and come to flower.
Lauren is the co-founder of Wisdomology.com and co-author of Your To Be List: Turn Those Dreaded To-Do's into Meaningful Moments Every Day.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
by Dr Darren Weissman
How do you live a quantum life? I believe there are five steps. In the science and art of numerology, the number 5 signifies being open to love; living with compassion; embracing freedom; needing constant change; and striving to find answers to the many questions that life poses, not just for ourselves but also for all of humanity. To live a quantum life, it’s imperative to do the following:
1. Live with vision.
All great leaders throughout history have had a clear vision of a truth that resonated deep within their hearts. This vision became the catalyst that set into motion a new way of thinking, feeling, and being. All great leaders, as a result, maintain their clarity of vision regardless of opposition or perceived capabilities. To live with vision means to take the time to silence the mind so that you can see and embrace your truth. Activate the power of the sixth sense—intuition—and trust it to guide you. Many people experience their intuitive vision through different senses, including the eyes, ears, and skin. The most important thing is recognizing that listening to, trusting, and acting on your intuitive vision is an art; and like any other endeavor or discipline, it requires commitment to develop.
2. Live with hope.
Hope is a natural consequence of having clear vision. Its birth rises from darkness, fueled with the vision of promise. At its core, hope allows you to believe in what’s possible . . . if one person can, we all can. Feel this emotion in your heart. It’s the feeling that imagines, sees, and knows at every juncture of the journey. Hope is the reflection of truth, wholeness, divinity, and oneness. “Roll up your sleeves” and let’s work together. In a world where many see hopelessness as being as normal as the rising sun, begin today to challenge yourself to harvest and sow seeds of hope.
3. Live with passion.
Passion is the energy of your will. It’s what empowers you to take action, transforming hope into possibilities. The question is, what’s your passion? What moves you to get out of bed every day? What makes your heart flutter when you think about it? Do you go to work just to get paid? Do you want to know how to live with passion? Answer this question: What would you be doing at this very moment in your life if you knew with absolute certainty that you couldn’t fail? Allow yourself to honestly and authentically answer this question— from the deepest part of your heart—acknowledging the ever-unfolding inner voice of Infinite Love & Gratitude.
Sometimes voices of fear and doubt take over. Do you know those voices? “I don’t have any money.” “I don’t have enough education.” “I have too many kids.” “I’m too old.” “No one would ever pay me to do this. . . .” Living with passion is not about doing; it’s about being. It’s not how you get paid, but rather how you live. The feminist scholar Gloria Anzaldúa once wrote: “The possibilities are numerous once we decide to act and not react.” Decide to act and live with passion. A moment of passion will transform a breaking point into one that is inspirational.
4. Live with discipline.
Discipline distinguishes mastery from mediocrity—mastery that comes from spending time engaged in the journey, rather than sprinting the 50-yard dash. Living with discipline means being willing to change—to alter old patterns of how you consciously choose to respond to your life. With discipline, you can gain insight and wisdom into your true nature. When you accept the inevitability of change, you choose healthier options for yourself. Rather than being a rigid set of rules, living with discipline is based on conscious acts of self-love. It’s loving yourself enough to choose between the pleasures of the moment and the possibilities of an infinite spirit.
5. Live with gratitude.
These days, almost everyone is talking about gratitude. But what does it really mean? I was inspired by a quote I recently read in a tiny but powerful book on gratitude written on behalf of the LifeLesson Foundation by Lenore Skomal:
"Our role is to accept what happens to us and to do what we can with the possibilities that life offers us. Acceptance is the key to this. If we can stop trying to figure out what we did wrong to warrant the problems that we face, and just accept it as part of what happens while living on this planet, we can find immense freedom. Life is what it is. And if we can reach unconditional acceptance of that, then the door to true gratitude will open. To live with gratitude is to accept, embrace, forgive, learn, and live with the knowing that life itself is the greatest of all gifts."
You’ve Taken a Giant Step
The 1-2-3 PLAN of The LifeLine Technique is an organic, ever-evolving, quantum-healing technology. Every time I have a session with a client, or teach The LifeLine Technique Training Program, I discover new avenues to help people experience their power for self-love and inner peace. I am in awe of the process, humbled by its magnitude, and beyond grateful to be able to share it with the world.
This is an extract taken Awakening to the Secret Code of Your Mind by Darren Weissman (Hay House). Visit hayhouse.com.au for more information.
Dr. Darren R. Weissman, a Chicagoland native, is an internationally renowned physician, speaker, educator, developer of The LifeLine Technique™, and best-selling author of The Power of Infinite Love & Gratitude, An Evolutionary Journey to Awakening Your Spirit published by Hay House.
Dr. Weissman’s second book in the field of quantum healing is, Awakening to the Secret Code of your Mind, published by Hay House. http://drdarrenweissman.com
Friday, September 3, 2010
by Peter Comrie
Happy Friday everyone, and yes we have something significant for you to consider this holiday weekend. Read on!
Here at this desk, and throughout the Full Spectrum Leadership community, we recognize the many individuals who show up in the respective worlds as love-based leaders. These intrepid folks defy the typical cynicism and selfishness that that pervades through much of society.
Often it takes a very dramatic event to happen before we really see the true character of our selves, our community, and our culture as a whole. And five years ago, Hurricane Katrina did exactly that.
Hurricane Katrina changed New Orleans forever. For the past five years since, hurricane-force passion has been working to keep that change positive. "Change from Within" features the stories of three different people using three completely different paths to rebuild the city for the better...and keep it that way.
A community organizer who inspires people to "Talk LOVE in the community" through creative art and expression.
A public defender who wants to help the innocent by "shepherding them through their darkest moments".
A journalist in search of the voices of the "invisible men of the community".
The video below will undoubtedly tug at a place deep within you.
Over this holiday weekend, spend some time thinking about who you are, what are your passions, what excites you, and, and , and, are you a love-based leader in your own world?
Have yourself an outstanding weekend.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Posted by Steve Wickham
SITTING AT AN ORAL SURGEON'S OFFICE WAITING ROOM and I get the vaguest impression I've been here before... not geographically, but metaphorically, spiritually even.
Something has just occurred - a secret between me and a close one, yet something they don't perceive, and need not know - which I could easily become offended and thus confounded by.
Suddenly, I remember. It's a trap. There are many of them in life... traps... traps of pride we shall call them. Any number of them take us down emotional and spiritual roadways and paths that are altogether avoidable and should then be skipped over.
It would be better in these moments where we could take offense to simply look away and laugh at the wall - though it sounds like something an insane person might do, it is a much better process to engage in than "follow" the path to micro-destruction.
And we're then sidestepping the path to the micro-destructions that happen hundreds of times in the typical family's week. And, sure, some of them will trip us up in any event, but why would we not avoid the ones we can?
Pride is such a bugbear for all of us and there are so many twisted versions of it from the rampantly sinful, selfish pride to the legalistic spiritual pride that comes from the superiority some people think they have over us.
And yet, pride is pride - it's a horrible and cursed state. It's the baseness of contempt for self and all others connected with the self.
Having the spiritual poise of humility, however, to simply laugh at the presence of something disconnected from the shallow piece of pride we're bound to otherwise fall for, is the way out.
And another thing; when we're in a bad mood with our family, loved ones, friends, colleagues... anyone, we ought to remember that it's not their fault we're reacting this way. It's our pride that's getting the unfettered showing - to the collective shame of all present, and certainly
In this is good, to simply see the lighter, realer side of things.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
by Karen Wright
Somewhere in our past - probably our long-ago past - we learned that if we resisted something it would go away. I envision a toddler throwing a temper tantrum. Kicking and screeching at that ear-shattering decibel that small children have mastered. Then a frustrated parent gives up whatever combative position they took. Just get a bit of peace. And the child learned the lesson - if I don't like what's happening, resist it with all my might and it will stop.
We may not be given to throwing temper tantrums as adults, but the operative belief still lingers - resist what you don't want and it will end. It matters not that we've lived a lifetime unable to replicate that early learned lesson. Somewhere deep inside, beyond any wisdom or reason, that two-year old's mind is confident of its logic.
Anger, jealousy, resentment, frustration, regret. No matter how it shows up on your face or in your voice, what you're feeling is the pain of resisting what is.
"I hate the rain!"
"She shouldn't be doing that."
"I shouldn't have been fired."
"Why can't they make up their minds?"
Resistance to what IS. So, what's wrong with that? Well, good question. After all, resistance is a pretty popular reaction to life's less-than-lovely situations. Besides the fact that resistance fails to undo what is, it succeeds at making you miserable. Nice masochistic two-for-one return!
The more you resist what is, the more pain you feel. It would seem that our conscious adult mind would catch on to this losing game. But, old beliefs die hard. Particularly beliefs that operate under the mind's radar. No awareness - no choice.
I think we resist what we don't want because we're not sure what else to do. Certainly accepting it can't be right! That makes no sense at all. If we accept it, that's the same thing as making it okay. And then it will never change. Or so the mind concludes.
But, perhaps we've been to quick to settle for this either/or polarity. (Either I resist or I accept) Like most things in life, this isn't an either/or choice - it's a process. Acceptance isn't the end of change, it's the beginning.
Accepting what is is the only sane choice in the moment. What is IS! You can't close your eyes and wish it away. Not on this planet! If we replace the word accept with acknowledge, it might give us a bit more wiggle room to play with this idea.
So, acknowledging that it's raining on my Hawaiian holiday isn't going to make the sun come out - but it's also not going to send me into depression. A good first step. Instead of fighting with my feelings and spoiling my entire vacation, I can say, "Okay, it's raining. I'd rather have sun, but since it is what it is, how can I still have a good time on this
vacation that I've spent the last year saving and planning for?"
Now, my actions can actually have some positive outcomes. I can free up my previously emotionally-hijacked mind to get creative about how to get the most from my holiday. Martyred depression can turn into a fun exploration of possibilities.
The process is clear:
1. Get real - what is IS! You can't wish it away.
2. Remember your real desire - to experience the feeling of joy.
3. Decide, given what is, how to still feel that joy.
A rained-out holiday might not seem like much of a disaster compared to the situation going on in your head right now. A husband who's leaving. A parent who's dying. A job search that's turned up exactly zero. But, no matter what the situation, the most effective way to deal with it doesn't change. You still have two choices. Resist and suffer. Or accept and choose again.
Learn to love what is so that you're never its victim again. Hanging onto resistance only disables you. When you accept what is, it frees up your creative energy to work toward real solutions.
Wright Minded Workshops teach how to shed self-imposed limitations and see the world through new eyes. Eyes of possibility, not pointlessness. Karen is author of The Sequoia Seed: Remembering the Truth of Who You Are, a great read for anyone who is seeking understanding or guidance, inspiration or clarity in their life. Waking Up the free bi-monthly ezine, was created to help you activate your natural motivation to move beyond mere existence and to LIVE your dreams.